The Other Side of the Mirror
by Ava Telcontar
Summary: Sequel to Tea and Crumpets. Romance and Adventure in New York!
1. Chapter 1

**The Other Side of the Mirror**

**By Ava Telcontar**

* * *

Uatu, the Watcher as was the custom of his people observed. His job was to observe Earth; more specifically, Earth 616.

It should be noted that cosmic beings do not sulk. Uatu, a being eons old, certainly didn't pander to such immaturity. But, it should be noted that he was less then pleased with his currant lot. So, he had broken his oath of noninterference…four hundred times. Was that reason enough to bind the majority of his powers and ground him to the moon? Was this a just judgment?

The Watcher snorted and sat down behind his telescope. He rubbed his weary eyes. Well, back to work. He peered through at Earth in all its blue-green glory. Nothing caught his interest until the tell-tell flicker of a dimensional portal caught his attention.

_Once upon a time, a boy followed a girl through the Looking Glass…_

This caught the Watcher's attention, "Is that Alice…?" and then Uatu, the Watcher began to laugh.

* * *

_Once upon a time, a boy followed a girl through the Looking Glass…_

Alice thought her heart would burst from happiness. Hatter was real! He was here! And he was kissing her! Now, Alice had been kissed before. And kissed well; however, there was just something about this tender fierceness that turned her bones to jelly.

He pulled away just long enough to whisper, "I've missed you," before molding his lips once more to hers.

She was only dimly aware of her mother staring in open mouthed astonishment at the sight of her daughter making out with a stranger. The truth was Alice didn't care. She just wanted to stay in the circle of his arms.

"Huhmm," interrupted Carol Hamilton.

Reluctantly, they came apart. A little. The Hatter rested his forehead against hers. Carol felt as if she were interrupting something very private.

"So, I take it you know David, Alice?" her mother tapped the tip of her toe impatiently on the shiny hard wood floors of their apartment building.

"Yes," Alice breathed. She didn't look away from the Hatter's dark eyes. "I know…David?" She blinked at him.

The Hatter smiled down at her, "David Maurice Harrison Write is what my parents called me."

"David. I like it. It's pretty."

"Thank you," he replied.

She rubbed her nose against his, "I still like Hatter."

"So do I," he chuckled.

Her eyes flicked to her mother's face. She sighed. "I have to go talk to my mother before she explodes."

"What? Literally? All over your very shiny floor?" The Hatter asked.

"No! Metaphorically," with great reluctance she pulled away from him and began to back away from him. She didn't want to look away for fear he'd disappear. Alice paused. She looked over his plain outfit and her curious gaze fell on his perfectly straight hair. "What's with the hair?"

The Hatter groaned, "Charlie. He attacked my head with a brush. And did this too me. I look like a button merchant."

Alice giggled. She walked up to him and ran her hands through his hair creating odd angles and waves and wild curls. The Hatter's eyes rolled back in his head as her fingers explored his locks. She stepped back and admired her handiwork. "Better."

She turned to her mother with a sunny smile, "Let's, go to the kitchen. And have that talk." Alice waved a finger at the Hatter, "You'd better be here when I get back."

He flipped his hat in air and affixed it to his head, "I promise."

* * *

The Hatter had very good hearing. And he wasn't afraid to use it. So, he listened into the mother/daughter talk without shame.

Alice leaned against the sink and regarded her mother calmly. Carol, for her part, was stalking around the kitchen like a restless panther.

"Would you like to explain what that was?" Carol demanded.

To her consternation, Alice smiled dreamily. Alice didn't do dreamy when it came to guys. With Jack and those who came before Jack she'd been level headed and sensible. Not _dreamy_.

"A rare perfect moment," Alice mused to herself.

Carol frowned. The Hatter stifled a triumphant crow.

Alice stood, "Do you trust me?"

Carol stopped pacing. What kind of question was that? "More then anyone in my life."

Alice hugged her briefly. "Good. Now listen. I could tell a convoluted story about how I met him. But, it would be a lie."

Carol pursed her lips.

"The truth is a wiggly weird thing. It's one of those things in my life you've asked me _not_ to talk about." Alice wrung her hands together as her mother absorbed that one. "Let me ask you this. Is Wolf good for Virginia? Is Giselle good for Robert?"

Her mother nodded slowly, "Yes." Carol thought about it. It was like that, was it? Things _happened_ to Alice on a depressingly regular basis; strange things that defied logic.

She groped around for a convincing argument. "Virginia married Wolf! Robert married Giselle!"

"Yeah. I know," her lips curled up into a little smile.

Carol's eyes went wide. The girl who'd had a breakdown when she'd been proposed to was looking all thoughtful and content at the notion of matrimony.

Who was this David person?

"I have to sit down," said Carol weakly.

* * *

"You took a month off work, just for me?" The Hatter asked.

Alice shrugged, "Well, you have come all the way from another world. And I'd be remiss not to get you acclimated. 'Sides the city would never forgive if I let you go unsupervised."

"Oi!"

They had left the apartment as soon as they could, her mother's gimlet eye making them both really uncomfortable.

So, Alice and the Hatter ambled down the streets bustling streets of New York. The place was so alive! Most Wonderlanders were under the mistaken impression that the other world was a dull, gray, place.

Not so.

This was a loud, vibrant fist to the face. The Hatter had to consciously block out the emotions that throbbed and bubbled around him. He found that by focusing on Alice's feelings that he could phase out the persistent smog of sensation that drenched the city.

They passed a young man cooing over the corpse of a dilapidated car. "It's too soon. She's too young."

His girlfriend rolled her eyes, "She was a '94 Yugo. Trust me. It was her time."

The Hatter wore his hat and Alice, a grayish jacket. He absently wished he'd brought the velvet coat. She'd looked so good in velvet.

"How long do will you be saying?" asked Alice tentatively.

David took her hand and pulled her to a stop, "I'll only leave if you tell me to go."

Alice sucked in a breath.

"And possibly, maybe not even then."

"Oh. Okay," she smiled.

"I don't think I've properly introduced myself," he whisked of his hat, through it in the air and bowed. He slowly straightened. The hat seemed to hover in the air before falling back on his wild hair. "You are addressing, David Write: Ambassador of Wonderland."

"Ambassador of Wonderland. Are you kidding?" laughed Alice.

The Hatter began to circle her like at their first meeting. "Oh, I see. You don't think I'm qualified." He leaned in and smelled her hair.

Okay, it was creepy and a little hot.

"You think that I'm an uneducated lout. I'll have you know I graduated from Carroll College with top honors; in Economics and Applied Criminal Psychology as it 'appens."

"Hatter, not what I meant. Just really, Ambassador of Wonderland?" she asked.

The Hatter stuck out his chin, "Yep. It's official and in Jackie-boy's official paperwork, my job is to guard the mirror, tend our other world holdings and…look after you."

She made a face, "Do I need looking after?" Alice tone was full of indignation.

"Having met you? Yeah. I'd say so," he replied cheekily.

Alice hit him in the arm and laughed.

"Ow," he rubbed his arm. She packed quite the wallop.

She smiled at his hurt little boy face. "Holdings? Does that mean you've a place to live?"

"I have many choices. I could take Jack's old penthouse (didja know he owns the building?) but, it's too much like taking over his life. There are a few other apartment buildings, a brownstone." He rubbed a finger over one dark brow. "I rather like the looks of the mansion."

"Mansion?"

"Yeah, the Cranston Estate. It's big. Lots of room. It's where I moved the mirror," the Hatter said.

Alice nodded, "Sounds good."

"Also, I got one of these." He pulled out a battered black wallet and fished out an unlimited credit card and waved it at her. "Full access to the pot. I won't need to find a job. A gentleman of leisure. That's me."

Alice tried not to look relieved. The idea of the Hatter in the job market was horrifying. She had a sudden vision of the Hatter as a barista standing on top of his cart yelling at all the 'coffee loving cretins and their ridiculous orders!'

He slipped the card back into his wallet and pulled out another card, "It's for you."

Alice looked at the card like it was poisonous. "I can't accept that."

The Hatter sighed. He rather thought she'd be difficult. "Ya don't have to use it if you don't want too. But, I'll have to explain to my boss why cultural attaché attached to the Wonderland consulate hasn't taken her generous compensation. And I don't want to have to explain."

Alice's smile was disbelieving. "Cultural attaché attached to the Wonderland consulate?"

"Didn't I just say that? It's in all the official paperwork. Come on Alice, take the card. The boss, he nags." He waved the gleaming bit of plastic back in forth in front of her nose.

Alice rolled her eyed and snatched the card from his teasing fingers, "Fine." She stuffed the offending rectangle into her purse.

"How do you know so much about Earth anyway?" she wondered.

"Books. I studied up. Had to take a written test with essay questions and everything."

Her arm began to throb. Alice rubbed the bit of her arm where the mark had been. Her face registered discomfort.

The Hatter settled his hand to the small of her back and directed her towards a bench. "I would ask what's wrong. But, I think I know. You're going to want to sit down"

They sat. And he waited until her breathing evened. "Let me see your arm," the Hatter asked gently.

Alice shrugged out of her jacket and held out her arm. The greasy green mark of oyster victim-hood was gone. Her skin was pale and as unmarked as ever.

"How long has it been hurting?"

"Off and on since I've got back," she smiled wryly. "I'm not going to like this? Am I?"

The Hatter ran through a succession of odd noises, "Um. Er. Eeee." He ended with a short, "No."

He ran his finger over her inner arm and a shimmer followed his touch. A smallish ornate W in grass green, purple with swirls of gold flickered into existence and faded away into her skin.

"What the hell was that?"

The Hatter rubbed the back of his head, "It's like this. Wonderland's in love with you."

Alice felt her mind go blank. "Huh."

"You made quite an impression."

She shook her head, "What does that mean?"

"It means, love, that because you saved my world it decided to reward you. He continued to stroke her arm soothingly.

"Reward me? How?"

"By making you its champion," the Hatter's eyes stared intently at her still features. How was she gonna take this?

"How can I be the Champion of Wonderland? I live _here_."

The Hatter wriggled to a more comfortable position, "And you have access to a magic looking glass should you ever be needed. It's not all bad ya know. The job does come with perks."

"Like what?" Alice gripped. Champion of Wonderland. It was so big.

He smiled comfortingly at her, "You'll live a very _long_ time. Illness won't come near you. And you'll have a touch of magic."

It didn't sound too terrible. She wondered what the catch was. "What's the catch?"

"At some point, Wonderland will require your services," The Hatter brushed dark hair away from a pale cheek.

"Okay, then."

"That's it? No, 'I'm being forced into indentured servitude by a fictional world in a kid's book' rant?"

"Does this look like a kid's story to you?"

The Hatter laughed, "No."

Alice leaned her head against his shoulder, "I don't do freak outs. Remember. And there is nothing I can do about it right now. I need time to think about this for a little while. It's a lot to take in."

They just sat together in comfortable silence letting the roar of the city wash over them.

Only to be interrupted by the Hatter growling stomach. It was loud and had more of a touch of gurgling.

"Hatter! When was the last time you ate?" Alice demanded.

The Hatter shrugged, "Two days."

"Hatter, what were you thinking?" Alice was cute when she was livid.

"I was worried about you," his voice was a touch defensive. "After, I admitted you to the hospital; a scary nurse scared me away. And then I was running errands, moving the mirror, taking over the finances (and I don't trust that accountant). I snuck in at night and watched you sleep."

Her glare softened, "Hatter…"

"I'll I've had was a paper cup filled with the most revolting tea-ish substance known to man and mice." He shuddered at the thought. "And some of that liquid candy with the bubbles that comes in tins. I quite liked them," The Hatter said thoughtfully.

Alice smiled, "Let's go get you some food." She wandered over to a crosswalk and stuck out her thumb. And wondered how long she'd have to wait…

A taxi pulled up in front of her. She looked at her thumb. She looked at the taxi. Never had she'd gotten one so fast.

She shoved a protesting Hatter into the back seat before sliding in and buckling up, "Bella Notte, on 4th and Vine."

* * *

The Cab swung into the parking lot.

"What do I owe you?" Alice asked.

The cabbie shrugged, "Never mind. Have a good time."

Alice stared. It was an arresting sight. A New York cabbie who didn't want to drain her wallet dry, would a commemorative plaque be too much to mark the occasion?

The Hatter prodded her shoulder, "If the nice man doesn't want your money, don't force it on him. Right?"

* * *

He looked about the interior of Bella Notte with interest, red and white checkered tablecloths, dim lighting, music and smells that were making him salivate. No drooling. It wouldn't impress your date. Wait. Is this a date?

A peppy looking waiter led them to a table and served them water.

"So, what's good?" asked the Hatter.

Alice replied, "We are going to have pizza."

"It's a food then?"

She laughed loud and long.

During lunch he found out several things about himself. He _really_ liked pizza. Pepperoni, sausage with veggies and extra cheese was a form of culinary art. He learned that he _hated_ Lipton's Iced Tea with a furious hate.

The Hatter learned things about Alice. He learned that she listened carefully and made all the right comforting noises when someone unloaded their family troubles. She took his unforeseen connection to her ex with a shrug.

He also learned that she liked hot food. Alice had ordered two small bowls filled with two kinds of hotwings. Mild and volcanic. He'd enjoyed the mild. He took one bite out of her volcano wings and his eyes watered profusely, his nose ran, and he was forced to chug down the entire glass of that horrible cold tea sludge.

* * *

Alice allowed, the Hatter to help her down out of the horse drawn carriage. This was the second time she'd wanted transportation and had gotten it immediately. Also, the second time she didn't have to pay.

If this was one of the perks, her inner New Yorker was all for it.

"I could get out of work but, I couldn't get out of my dress fitting. My friends MJ and Peter are getting married." She smiled shyly at the Hatter. "Do ya want to be my date? Maybe?"

The Hatter brought her hand up to his lips, "I'd be honored my lady." David grinned at her blush. Charlie's hour long lectures on the art of courtly love may come in handy after all.

Andalasia Fashions was a short walk and they, being in no hurry, intertwined their fingers as they strolled down the street.

"Oi!" the Hatter yelped as something smelling of sausage rammed into him. The indignantly of it. He, the Mad Hatter had just had his pocket picked! This happened to other people.

"Dodger! Heel boy," Alice called out, a furry mutt with a red bandana around its neck and the Hatter's wallet in his mouth.

The dog rolled his eyes and dropped the wallet at Alice's feet. "Bad boy," Alice then rubbed the undeserving canine's ears.

"Hatter meet Dodger. The Artful Dodger meet the Mad Hatter."

The Hatter scowled at the dog and pulled an embroidered linen handkerchief out of his pocket. He gingerly picked up his wallet. "Charmed, I'm sure."

The dog laughed, "Don't take it too hard pal. Most people wouldn't even feel me filching." Dodger lolled his tongue. The dog sniffed the Hatter, "You smell like tea leaves and trouble. I think I like you."

"Thanks."

Alice gaped at the dog, "You're talking?"

"I could always talk dollface. It's just you can finally understand me," the dog turned his attention to the Hatter. "You new in town?"

"Yes. You could say that," admitted the Hatter cautiously. He could tell from Alice's perplexed face that talking dogs were a bit unusual.

"Don't worry, kid. Once you get the rhythm of the city down it'll all work out, "advised the Artful Dodger.

Dodger sniffed Alice's dangling fingers, "You smell different. Healthier. And a little wild." The dog winked at her. "I approve. Gotta run. And don't do anything I wouldn't do!" laughed the dog as he wove his way through the traffic.

"A touch of magic?" wondered Alice. Her life was weird. Even before this. It was weird. She could deal.

"Seems like," the Hatter offered her his arm. "Can I get a suit here? I wouldn't want to clash with my date."

Alice took it, "Oh, I'm sure something could be arranged."

The Hatter sighed, "I should look into getting some clothes anyway. I didn't take with me."

Alice replied, "Then a guess a little shopping trip is in order."

"Really?"

Alice smiled, "You've got a black card. I think we can solve your wardrobe problems easily enough."

* * *

Stepping into Andalasia Fashions was like leaving the concrete jungle behind for an enchanted forest glade. Swaths of fabrics, the best of earth, Andalasian and Kingdoms One through Nine textiles glimmered under the lights.

"Alice!" trilled a voice. Alice found herself with an armful of Giselle. "You're better! How wonderful."

The Hatter blinked at this exuberant creature. It wasn't that she wasn't beautiful. She was in a strawberries and cream way. It was the emotional signature that fascinated him; a child's clear clean feelings with the emotional depth of a grown woman.

"Giselle Phillip formerly of Andalasia, meet Ambassador David Write of Wonderland," said with a grin. "He's one of your fellow other dimensional exports." Alice clasped her hands together, "We call him Hatter."

Giselle looked from the Hatter to his hat. Then she looked at Alice and mouthed Wonderland. "I guess I made you the right dress then." And burst into giggles.

Alice huffed.

"You made the blue thing she wore with those raspberry tights?" The Hatter asked.

Giselle nodded, "Oh, Yes. The tights were her idea. Guess where I got the inspiration?"

The Hatter leered cheerfully at Alice, "I liked the tights."

"Stop it," whimpered Alice.

"I need a suit that won't clash with anything you've created for Alice," Said the Hatter.

Giselle circled him noting build, coloring and posture. "And a hat."

"Yep."

The forest nymph in the big city floated over to her assistant.

"Is she real?"

"She's as real as you are." Alice giggled.

"What?"

Alice decided not to tell the Hatter about the danger of bursting into song and dance routines while in Giselle's presence. The look on his face would be something to treasure.

* * *

May, the assistant led Alice to a changing room.

"Oh, hi!"

Alice wondered for the hundredth time why Betty Suarez didn't exchange those braces of doom for invisalines. Those things couldn't be comfortable. "Hi, Betty. Did you ever reconsider taking my class?"

The tiny Latina shook her head waving her fluffy black hair, "Like I have time to let you throw me around."

"I'll call Daniel. Invoke the Pavlovian Overprotective Male response," Alice threatened.

"You wouldn't," Betty protested.

Alice smiled slyly, "You'll be on the mats before you know it."

Betty groaned.

The be-spectacled girl held out the dress she'd just climbed out of. It was black and satiny with elaborate white beading. "It's for the black and white ball."

"I think certain males," 'Daniel' in particular, "will swallow their tongues."

Betty blushed. "Who's the cutie you walked in with?"

Alice glanced up to see Hatter going over various designs with Giselle, "Mr. Right," she said without thinking.

Betty laughed. "Really?"

"It's his name. David Write. With a w," Alice sputtered.

"Sure, if that's the way you want to play it."

Alice had never been so thankful to see a dress in her life.

"Thanks May!"

"You're welcome, sweetie." May smiled at her, showing all her teeth. "Did you know you've been ogling the boy's bottom for the last five minutes?"

"Kill me now?"

* * *

In addition to his 'Accompanying Alice to a Wedding Suit' he chose three other designs including one with tails.

"Do ya make coats?"

"I could? If someone wanted me too."

The Hatter worried his bottom lip, "I want Alice to have a closet full of velvet coats."

"Oh," Alice seemed to be measuring his insides as she measured his arms.

"Six to start with. To be sprung on her at intervals, like every second Tuesday," he ran his hand over burgundy velvet.

"She looks stunning in velvet," mused the Hatter. He gave Giselle a sharp look, "Can you make them toast and tea warm in cold weather, lined in silk or satin, and impervious to projectiles and bladed weaponry." He thought a bit, "Better throw in resistant to fire, and blunt objects while you're at it." The Hatter paused and recalled Alice's penchant for falling into large bodies of water, "And waterproof."

"You know our Alice very well," Giselle was all aflutter. Alice had finally found her one true love! It was all she could do not to dance around the room. "Yes. Yes I can."

* * *

"So, what do you think?" Alice turned in a slow circle and gazed expectantly at the Hatter. She nervously fingered the skirt of her gown.

The dress was a taffeta, tea length design that left her pale shoulders bare. It was also a rich chocolate brown that made her look like some delicious dessert.

Alice blushed as the Hatter stalked towards her with darkened eyes. She gasped when David pulled her into his arms, dipped her so low that her hair brushed the ground, and gave her the most toe-curling kiss of her life.

Giselle clapped her hands together in delight and May let out a raucous whoop.

* * *

After promising Giselle that 'they'd do brunch _soon'_ they were suddenly back out in the afternoon.

They shopped a bit, perusing men's formalwear shops and trendy second hand stores for the Hatter's new wardrobe.

She bought him a porkpie hat that resembled the one he'd been wearing when he left Wonderland.

He pulled a protesting Alice into a jewelry store and bought her a pair of diamond and silver teacup earrings. She wore them out of the store only after he'd nibbled on her neck.

Also, he dithered a bit before buying Carol a butterfly broach. The Hatter had dismissed the pearl necklaces with a shudder. It would be both creepy and in bad taste, he'd explained.

At the Barns & Noble, he'd simply walked up to the counter and said, "Two copies of every book, movie and music disc to be sent to this address." He grinned unsettlingly at the flustered salesgirl who flushed and took his credit card with trembling fingers.

Also, he purchased a number of novelty tea sets.

Oh, he could get to like this gentleman of leisure business.

"Two of everything?" she wondered.

"For Jack-Jack. And Charlie," He explained.

* * *

The Hatter had gotten actual tears in his eyes when she took him to McNutly's Tea & Coffee Co.,Inc. And then he gave her a hickey on her clavicle.

He wandered up and down the isles with a dreamy look in his eyes, pausing now and then to sniff different packages.

The Hatter sipped his tea like a wine taster tasted wine. He would role it in his mouth before swallowing. Then a pompous remark would follow, just like a wine taster. He fell in love with a blend called Formosa Oolong (Tung Ting Extra Fancy). It wasn't just because of the name.

An hour and fifteen minutes later Alice pulled the Hatter and his improbable bladder out of the tea shop.

* * *

Evening was coming and lights were lighting up. Alice and the Hatter were sauntering and swaggering through Time's Square. The Hatter, who could only conclude he'd listened to many lectures on chivalry, was carrying their many bags.

"DOOM DEMANDS THE HEAD OF REED RICHERDS," a person dressed in a green tunic over a suit of armor, a metal mask and a green hooded robe completed the look. He was standing on some kind of hovering disk. That hovered.

"Alice, dearest," the Hatter asked, his voice remarkably calm.

"Yes?"

"Who is that?"

"Dr. Victor von Doom, mad scientist, sorcerer, king of Latveria. Supervillian and all around badass," Alice replied as if she were introducing the mailman.

The reaction of the masses of people milling around Time's Square reacted in a predictable and sensible manner. They _ran_ from the lunatic with questionable fashion sense.

Another man was suddenly there. He was blond, absurdly handsome, and he was wearing a flowing red cape over blue armor. He wore a winged helmet.

The Hatter approved of the helmet. It had style.

Also, he had a really big hammer.

"Halt! Doom, your villainy shall not go unanswered!" the guy with the nifty helmet rang out.

"And it that corner, is the Mighty Thor, God of Thunder and founding member of the Avengers."

"SILENCE, INSOLENT GODLING. YOU WILL NOT SWAY DOOM. WHERE IS REED RICHARDS?"

Then there was the other half… the half who made bets. The people who retreated a scant few feet and seemed happy to observe. One woman dark haired women was munching popcorn and making sarcastic comments.

"Shouldn't we move back? 'Cause it looks like them two blokes…are going to come to blows."

Alice laughed, "And miss the show?" Naturally, Alice belonged to the second group of people.

"Alice, when I sound like the voice of reason, one can assume that something's wrong. Okay?" The Hatter said slowly. She was leaking a potent reckless glee he'd never felt from her before.

Alice kissed him once. Hard on the mouth, "Everyone's mad. You're mad too. Or else you wouldn't have come."

"Fair enough," replied the Hatter. He could feel that kiss in his toes. Also, this was kind of fun to watch.

"I SHALL RIP OUT HIS HEART!"

" 'Ow I ask you. Does he talk like that? With the big letters?" the Hatter demanded.

Alice shrugged negligently, "Who knows?" Her lips curled up, "Do you know what's upsetting?"

"Couldn't imagine," the Hatter huffed.

"He does this, like three times a year. And he can't be arrested."

"What?!!" he squeaked. They ducked as von Doom threw a car over their heads.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Diplomatic immunity. He is after all a head of state."

"We don't have diplomatic immunity, do we?"

"Nope. We work for a secret embassy from a fictional land. So, try not to get arrested," said Alice.

"Doom, your infantile temper tantrums must come to an end!" called Thor.

"Try not to get arrested? Not stay out of trouble?" the Hatter asked.

Alice rested her chin on the Hatter's shoulder, "I don't ask the impossible. You and trouble go together like tea and scones."

"I'd be offended if it weren't true."

A shadow fell on the pair. Clinging upside down from the streetlight was a figure dressed in red and blue with a black spider on his chest. He wore a mask with big creepy eyes. "Hello Alice. Who's your friend?"

"This is the Hatter," she patted her companion on the shoulder.

The head tilted, "'Cause he wears a hat?"

"He's mad," Alice said merrily.

"Oookay."

The Hatter elbowed her.

"Oh. Right. Hatter, this is the amazing, the spectacular, neighborhood friendly, Spider-man!"

"And what's that when it's at 'ome?"

"He's not from around here is he?" Spider-man asked bemusedly.

Alice giggled, "Spider-man and Thor are what we call superheroes."

"Ah. The good guys then," asked the only slightly enlightened Hatter.

"We try." He looked at Alice out at the square. "What's that all about?"

Alice shrugged. "What's it ever about."

The spider themed hero shrugged, "Once more unto the breach…" He leapt into the fight.

"Henry V! Charlie could recite it from memory by the time I left," said the Hatter.

"Hey!" Spider-man yelled. He shot webbing at Doom's hands. "Chowderhead, Doc Reed and fam are currently off planet. Doing something sciencey. So, why don't you just go back to the old country? You can play with your little friend some other time!"

"ANNOYING INSECT!"

"Arachnid! If you don't mind. You'd think a scientist would get it right," Spidy dropped down next the Viking God. "Hiya, Thor."

Thor nodded at him, "Well met, boon battle companion."

"He's multiplied!" the Hatter said of Doom.

"No, those are just Doombots. A lot of them."

"Hum." In a sweeping move he dropped the bags and spun around to take out a doombot in the chin with his right hook. It fell to the ground twitching. A fist sized dent interrupting its circuitry.

Alice fished a thing out of her purse. It looked like a prop from a science fiction movie, one of the one where the protagonist fought giant bug or space zombies. She dashed into the street, ignoring a protesting Hatter; she took aim at a doombot and fired. A wave of bluish light slammed into the doombot.

The Hatter pulled her away from the quaking 'bot and behind a car. It exploded bits of metal and wire going everywhere.

He glared, "Warn me next time."

Thor smashed his fist into Doom's face, "Noble Spider! Who are those two?" He nodded to where Alice and the Hatter were dismantling a doombot. From the feet up. "The unusually helpful civilians?"

Spider-Man spun in midair to avoid a laser whip. That's new. "Oh, that's Alice. And she'd not a civilian. She's one of us. Just doesn't know it. And the other guy and his right hand of doom…"

The hero thought a bit before bursting into delighted laughter. "That's the Mad Hatter. That's great! Alice and the Mad Hatter. What an awesome name for a superhero team."

"Think again, web-head. You'll never see me prancing about in spandex," Alice yelled annoyed.

The Hatter's head shot up, "Why not?

* * *

Carol Hamilton arrived home at around ten thirty. She hoped her daughter was prepared to have a more involved talk…

She turned into the living room and came to a full stop. The room was littered with mostly empty paper take out cartons, Alice's yearbooks and photo albums spread out willy-nilly.

And the Hatter was spread out on the couch in his socked feet, hat pulled over his eyes, snoring gently. Alice was tucked securely in his arms, her head under his chin.

It was down right adorable. Carol huffed and fetched a soft blanket and tucked the two in, the talk could wait.

She bit her lip, smiled and went to find a camera.

* * *

David 'Hatter' Write

Wonderland Embassy

The Lamont Estate, New York

New York, United States of America

Earth 616, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy

-

His Majesty, Jack of Hearts

The Heart Citadel, Wonderland

Through the Looking Glass

Jack snickered at the address on the thick package. Trust the Hatter to make his address look more impressive then the other guy. So, the official report. The Hatter had it tidily bound in a see through plastic binder. There were three of them.

He opened the flipped through the first taking note of the many post-its in Alice's neat scrawl. Then he turned to the first page. A newspaper clipping from the Daily Bugle was carefully pasted to the first page. It was a picture of the Hatter leaning against a smashed up car with his hat over his eyes as Alice handed Thor, his mighty hammer. Photograph by Peter Parker, byline by Jack Taylor.

The post-it read, "Hi, Jack! Remember to practice your leg kicks!"

Jack groaned. He hadn't been practicing. He'd end up staring at the ceiling the next time he saw her.

He turned to the first page, "Your Nibs, it is my honor to report that Earth maybe madder then Wonderland ever thought to be…

* * *

Notes

Marvel Universe

Uatu the Watcher is a member of a race that watches and records what happens in the universe. He is assigned to Earth. He has a tendency to break his oath of non-interference and lend aid to humanity.

Oh like you don't know who Peter Parker is.

The Mighty Thor. See above. Mjolnir is the hammer. _'Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.'_

Dr Victor Von Doom, King of Latveria

The Daily Bugle

Other stories

The boy and the girl with the nonfunctioning Yugo are from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

The Cranston Estate was once the home of one Lamont Cranston aka the Shadow.

Bella Notte is the Italian place from both Enchanted and Lady and the Tramp.

Dodger, the bandana wearing, pocket picking dog is from Oliver & Company.

Giselle is from the movie 'Enchanted.' She's married to Alice's cousin Robert.

In Enchanted, May is Nancy's assistant who becomes Giselle assistant. We get her for one scene in the movie and one extended cut scene. Which is too bad as she's played the actress who portrays Angela from Bones.

Betty Suarez is the adorable main character of Ugly Betty.

Yeah, the Cheshire cat misquote.

Liz Lemon from 30 Rock is eating popcorn.

The taser was a present from Gambit and Nightcrawler of the X-Men. She has a lot of overprotective big brother types. Poor Hatter.

Jack Taylor was played in the movie, One Fine Day by actor George Clooney.

Other

The dress is, in real life the creation of Kristie Kelly for Disney Fairy Tail Weddings (where else?) and is a part of the Sleeping Beauty/True Love Awakes collection.

And its tea length, how perfect is that?

McNutly's Tea & Coffee Co.,Inc. is real, check it out.


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Jack,_

_This is awkward isn't? Moving on. Your Ambassador to Earth is doing well. He hasn't got arrested… yet. Even when he tried to claim Coney Island tea cup ride for the glory of Wonderland. Or when…never mind._

_He's fitting in well. Of course, I think he'd fit into a coal mine, a circus or the sixth planet orbiting Alpha Centauri after about ten minutes. Nothing seems to faze him. Yeah, that's not true. Hatter had to go lie down after hearing about the Boston Tea Party. He has a thirty minute rant on Senator Kelly and his anti-mutant policies. And he hates telemarketers. Though that's most people_

_Also, he sees laws as suggestions. It could get to be problematic…_

_On a different subject; how are your leg kicks coming? I'm still your sensei and I expect a distinct improvement the next time I see you…_

The Cranston Estate was large and imposing and it loomed in the morning drizzle like a strangely prim guard dog.

The cab pulled to a stop and Alice Hamilton slid out. Once more, she was not required to pay. She slipped past the iron wrought gates and laughed. A golf cart waited for her underneath a large chestnut tree.

She shook her head and hopped in. It would have taken a while to get to the house on foot. Alice liked the grounds. It was like a private park.

Alice laughed as she approached the door. A discrete brass plaque had 'Wonderland Embassy,' etched on it.

She raised a brow, for when she pushed the doorbell it mooed at her. Alice pushed it again, train whistle. When no one came she pushed it again, the Jaws leitmotif. Again, Three Stooges Nuk Yuk noises, she continued a little fascinated, the Roadrunner's 'Beep! Beep!' all of 'Trogdor the Burninator.'

Alice wondered if introducing the Hatter to Homestar Runner was a good idea.

The door swung open and there was the Hatter. Barefoot, hat-ed and in black slacks and a tight blue tank top he sped up her breathing.

"Alice!" he said joyously. His smile faded as he took in her appearance.

"What?"

"Oh, Alice. Sweet, miraculous Alice. Why?" the Hatter pleaded, his eyes glued to the top of her head, seemed to glisten.

Her eyes traveled upwards her…baseball cap. The New York Mets. "It's raining and I couldn't find my umbrella."

The Hatter grabbed up her hand and led her into his mansion, "Hats are wonderful things. But, that thing atop your adorable head is not a proper hat." As if removing some kind of vermin he disdainfully sniffed as he dropped it into a waist paper receptacle.

"You just can't go around throwing away other peoples hats, Hatter!" Alice protested.

He made a tisking noise. "It's not up to discussion." He held up a quelling finger, "Who is the expert on haberdashery?"

"You are," Alice sighed. Bye, baseball cap. You kept my head dry.

She shrugged out of her gray coat.

The Hatter had the memory of an elephant crossed with the attention span of a goldfish. She smiled smugly as the latter came into play, hopefully make him forget the hat lecture.

The Hatter gulped. His wonderful Alice who had regrettable taste in headgear was a genius when it came to sweaters. It was fuzzy, clingy and purple. "Nice sweater," he squeaked like a dormouse on free government cheese day.

"Thank you," Alice made a show of stretching. The Hatter's eyes bulged. She decided to take pity.

The Hatter loved being hugged by Alice. And there was something extra special about being hugged by Alice while she was wearing a fuzzy, clingy, and purple sweater.

---

Alice followed the Hatter down the long corridors. The last time she was here the place was all old time elegance. Now, she could see touches of the Hatter everywhere she looked. A collection of bright yellow rubber duckies in descending sizes sat on a delicate curio shelf. In random corners she spied tall curved hat racks holding a growing collection. A wall of Edwardian silk wallpaper had been replaced by painted butterflies that slowly opened and closed their wings.

Tea sets and chess sets in various states of play occupied the tops of side tables. The orange and yellow flowers that grew in such profusion in Wonderland were planted in what had to be Ming dynasty vases.

He'd donated a third of the antique furniture to the local Goodwill. When told how much the furniture he'd shrugged, smiled and said, "Then I'll have made someone very happy. Won't I?"

She adored how a man with such a wide steak of greedy could be so effortlessly generous. And he was greedy. For tea. For anything chocolate. For hats and fancy clothes. Her lips…

He had discovered strange pieces of furniture that shouldn't work. But, somehow did. A contemporary 'gardener's sofa' of Scandinavian design that was meant for the outdoors sat opposite a bright teal leather couch.

The Hatter had a thing for art deco and left it littered every which way. Amish wooden tables warred with furniture that looked like it belonged in some modern art exhibit.

The former occupant, whoever he maybe, left priceless art from all over the world. The Hatter kept it; he just arranged it in a more interesting way.

Alice tried not to laugh. In the living room a muted plasma screen was playing Spongebob Squarepants. She'd been fascinated to learn that Jack quelled a revolt just by introducing them to the yellow guy who 'lived in a pineapple under the sea.'

She approved of the Hatter's taste in music. Mostly. Sometime in the future they'd have to talk about why Alice went mad and smashed all his polka CDs. And the majority of the disco. And the Japanese opera.

The track changed and Ziggy Stardust was suddenly there. Oh, dear. He'd discovered David Bowie.

"When I moved in I never considered dust. The dust bunnies have _teeth_. I'm going to have to hire a cleaning, person, thing. 'Cause, ya know who's going to clean. Not me!" He reached out and snagged her hand pulling her into the main library.

"I've got something to show you," the Hatter said happily. The library as libraries tended to be…was filled with books. There were the elegant leather bound tomes that it came with the house. And then there were the leaning towers of books that you would find anywhere in the residence. He claimed to have a 'system.'

With Alice in tow, he trailed his fingers over a row of shelved leatherbacks. And grinned naughtily. His naughty grin did all sorts of interesting things to her insides.

Alice's air rushed from her lungs as she found herself pinned by the Hatter to the bookshelf.

" 'Ello, Alice."

"Hi," she breathed as he trailed his lips down her neck.

He smiled at the juncture between her neck and shoulder that smelled like apricots. He rejoiced that he could make her feel so very much. Leisurely, he reached up and pulled on a copy of Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment.

Alice blinked as she felt the wall open, "Hmmm?"

Reluctantly, the Hatter pulled away and nodded at the opening, "After you, milady."

"Holy Stately Wayne Manor, Batman!" Alice couldn't help but say.

He glared.

"Sorry." He _liked_ Batman. But one thing hadn't made him happy. To say the Hatter hadn't been amused by the depiction of one Jervis Tetch, The Mad Hatter in the Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb was an understatement. There had been a temper tantrum. It had culminated with the Hatter sending an angry letter to DC comics. And a dozen unhappy weasels, in a box. Alice did not _want_ to _know_ where he had gotten the weasels.

"Sorry," it would be a while before he was over it.

He huffed and followed her down a little downwards going staircase. It was a large room full of …outdated superhero stuff.

The Hatter leaned against a dusty desk as Alice inspected the room. An old fashion ticker tape machine and a strangely familiar fire opal ring that flashed red when she touched it caught her attention. She picked up an old journal that was leaned against an oddly advanced looking radio.

'Lamont Cranston,' was written in spidery handwriting on the flyleaf. She flipped through the pages. "Oh! Do you know what this is?"

The Hatter looked up from the pair of ivory handled revolvers at the suddenly up tone her voice carried. He could feel her excitement bubble. "What is it?"

"This is the headquarters of the Shadow!" Alice bounced up and down.

The Hatter admired the bouncing. "Who's the Shadow?"

"Apparently, Lamont Cranston! The Shadow was a superhero in the 1930's who had the 'ability to cloud men's minds.'

He made a show of shivering and wriggled his fingers, "Oooh. Spooky."

Alice continued, "My great grandfather, Cliff, used to tell me stories about him. Claimed to be one of the Shadow's agents in his youth." She held up the ring. "I have one just like. A fire opal. The Shadow gave one to each of his agents. Granddad gave me his."

He found himself reflecting her contagious happiness, "So, what you're saying is I've inherited a piece of your family's history?"

Alice nodded happily. "And I wish we could stay and explore every bit. Unfortunately, we have a date." She pouted a bit. "We can give it a more thorough look over later."

"We don't have to. If you want to stay here…"

"No. It'll be here when we get back." She sighed. "We're expected and Robert and Virginia have been looking forward to interrogating you."

The Hatter looked alarmed, "Meet me. Looking forward to meet me, you mean?"

"No, I really don't."

----

"I have something for you," he dangled a key attached to a sparking A key ring in front of her eyes. He'd gotten the A from a jewelry store called Tiffany's. He didn't know who Tiffany was but, she had good taste.

"As a member of the diplomatic staff, you really should have a key to the place," he murmured.

"Thank you," Alice pecked him on the cheek. She was amazed at herself. He was giving her a key to his place. He'd known her what? A few days now? And it wasn't too soon.

"But, that's not your unbirthday present. This is your unbirthday present," he handed her a glossy box with 'Andalasia Fashions' scrolled across the top in golden cursive.

She eyed the box and the Hatter suspiciously, "You're gonna invoke my unbirthday every time you want to give me something that isn't for my actual birthday or a sanctioned holiday aren't you?"

The Hatter took off his hat and began to twirl it on his finger, "Maybe?" This hat didn't go with his dark green ensemble. The black straw derby would do much better.

"Open the box, Alice. You know you want to," he purred.

Alice bit her lip, "If anybody else said that to me. Especially, in that tone of voice I'd throw them into a wall and run for the hills."

The box beckoned. Nestled in layers of sheer snow white wrapping tissue was a velvet coat. Carefully, she removed it from the box. It was knee length, wide cuffed and had large lapels like the one he'd given her in Wonderland. The velvet was a color somewhere between pale lavender and pussy willow gray, the lining was a contrasting dark purple and silver pinstriped silk. The buttons were made of iridescent turquoise glass.

"Do you like it?" the Hatter asked bashfully.

It was an awesome coat. And like all of Giselle's designs, there was something _different_ about it. 'Soft and warm, stronger then Kevlar and I'm stain proof,' whispered the coat. "It's wonderful." She glanced down at a loss for words at his delighted expression.

She blinked, "Hatter, does this fit your precise specifications for a real hat?" Alice pulled a woman's hat from the box.

He trotted over, "Let me see." It was a round crown cloche with an asymmetrical brim and a tonal self band with bow trim. And it was made of grayish lavender felt.

The Hatter nodded gravely, "That is a hat worthy of your head."

----

They stood outside of the gates of their mansion. He'd insisted on the 'their.'

He admired Alice in her new coat and hat for a moment. She looked stunning. He shuffled around. It wouldn't do to rush her.

A moment of contemplation and she stuck out her thumb; And was startled when an obsidian black Tesla roadster rolled into a stop in front of her.

The Hatter felt something particularly male well up in front of him at the sight of the graceful machine purring in front of him. He was heard to declare, "I want one."

A window rolled down and an elegant face framed by pale gold hair peered out, "Alice, is that you?"

Alice sighed. "Felicia. Hi. New car?"

Felicia smiled a catlike smile, "My new baby. You like?"

"Very much."

Observing, the two of them, the Hatter knew several things right off. First, Alice found this haughty blond one intimidating. Second, the haughty blond one admired Alice.

The Tesla's owner looked her over, "I like your coat."

"Thanks." Alice squirmed. "Ah, Felicia Hardy meet my boyfriend. David, this is Felicia. We went to high school together."

"Howdy do?" He said cheerfully. Internally, he was jumping about. This was the first time she'd called him her boyfriend.

Felicia eyed him critically. Cute, in a stepped out of an eighties movie kind of way. They looked good together.

"Can we get a lift?" Alice asked hopefully.

Felicia smiled, "Get in."

* * *

The Hatter liked the name of the restaurant. It was alliterative! 'The Den of Decadent Delights.' The food had to be good with a name that tasty.

"Thanks, for the ride, Felicia. It was nice to talk to you again."

The blond women smiled, "You're quite welcome."

"Oh, David?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"Hurt Alice and I'll claw out your eyes," Felicia smiled sweetly at him.

The Hatter considered this, "Sound fair."

-----

It only took a sniff for the Hatter to come to the conclusion that this is where food, if it had been good, came when it died. His saliva factory came to like as he was assaulted with _every_ good food smell in all of existence.

Alice went umph as she found herself in the middle of a cousin sandwich. Group hugs were all well and good. They just shouldn't come with the tall male cousin hugging too tight or the small female cousin digging her sharp little chin into your shoulder.

"Hi, Robert. Hello, Virginia." She managed with squeezed lungs. Great, Mom told them about the hospital stay.

"Ally-cat, are you feeling better?" Robert pulled away and scrutinized her.

"Robbie, I'm fine!"

She scowled at the Hatter who happily mouthed, 'Ally-cat' at her.

Virginia tugged at her sleeve, "You're sure?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "Yeah. Give it a rest."

The Hatter could see the similarities between Alice and her cousins right off. All three were dark haired, blue eyed, and pretty. Alice, hovered somewhere between Robert's strong features and Virginia's more delicate continence. Also, she was right in the middle height wise.

The Hatter was a man who noticed clothes. They said a lot about a person. He noticed that both cousins's shared Alice's understated fashion sense. All three were in sweaters. Robert wore a blue v-neck and Virginia sported a short sleeved, scooped neck in pale mint green.

"Hello, Hatter." It was Giselle. Today, she wore a peach dress with a white shrug.

"Are they always like that?" he wondered as Alice succumbed to being fussed over.

Giselle laughed, "Oh, yes." She noted with pride how well the coat suited Alice. She patted the Hatter on the shoulder. "They are very close."

The Hatter felt a tugging on his knee and looked down into a pair of huge hazel eyes in an elfin face. "Hello," said the Hatter.

"Are you really the Mad Hatter?" The tiny girl was wearing a bright pink dress with many ruffles, and a suspicious expression, "The one from the book."

The Hatter knelt down, "I am the real Mad Hatter; Just not the one from the book. That was many alternate Wednesdays ago." He smiled. She was really, very cute. "You'd be Luna, then?"

Her eyes narrowed, "How do you know that?"

"Alice told me all about you. She said that, Luna Snowdrop Wolfson was smarter then a tank of thinking fish, sweeter then a hive of butterscotch bees and prettier then a pretty tree."

Luna tilted her head, "Do you like tea?" This was said with all the gravity of someone requesting the codes to stop a missile launch.

"More than custard pudding," The Hatter said with a wink."

Luna smiled. Showing off her many tiny sharp teeth, "I like you."

----

Alice had taken off her coat and slung it over the back of her chair. She took off her hat and set it down on Luna's head.

The small girl smiled at Alice. The brim kept falling down over her eyes.

The Hatter, by contrast was balancing his derby on his knee. His eyes were wide as Robert peppered him with questions. Where did you and Alice meet? What was your role in the Resistance? What is your education? How do you expect to make a living in New York? Ye gads. Didn't the man ever let up?

"Robert, stop sharpening your litigating skills on the man," Virginia told him. "Just look at the poor guy. He looks like your going to carve out his heart with a butter knife.

Robert rolled his eyes, "Like your not playing good cop, trying to get information by looking sympathetic.

"Hold on a mo…litigating skills?" The Hatter's eyes widened in comic horror, "Alice! You never told me your cousin was a _barrister_." He said 'barrister 'like other people say 'tax collector, 'sewer worker,' or 'reality television show host.' With distain and fear.

Alice didn't laugh. Oh, she wanted to. The convulsive faces the Hatter was making were just too funny. "Why is it important?"

"Alice love, it's like being introduced to a rabid bandersnatch. You never know when it's burrow into your lungs and suck the marrow from your bones," he said seriously.

"That's a new one," said Robert with a laugh.

Besides Miss. Luna, there were two other children. There was Virginia's boy Warren, all dark curls and mischievous smiles.

And Robert and Giselle's daughter Morgan, who looked liked a tiny Alice. She even wore a blue dress.

The three children were ignoring the grownup in favor of arguing amongst themselves. Morgan and Warren thought that the new season of 'Bolt!' was absurd with the plastic surgery and alien abduction.

Luna, who had no taste, thought it was compelling.

"Why's Robert being a lawyer so important?"

"If you'd said something earlier, I could have put together a statement. Gotten some letters of reference, affidavits attesting to my character," the Hatter ran a nervous hand through his untamed hair.

"There are affidavits attesting to your character?" Alice wondered doubtfully.

The Hatter squirmed, "I could have…have some forged." His mutter was low and a touch resentful. As it happened, he did have affidavits attesting to his character. Sadly, they all called him a conniving conman.

----

"I have come baring a feast! The likes that mortals have never seen," said a tall and rangy handsome man in a white chef's smock pushing a stainless steel trolley to their table.

"Why is he wearing a muffin on his head?" hissed the Hatter in agitation.

Alice replied, "It's a chef's hat, Hatter. It's not meant to be an affront to your delicate sensibilities.

"Ah, my dreamy, creamy wife," Virginia let herself be pulled into kiss that raised the rooms ambient temperature twelve degrees.

Virginia tugged off the 'muffin' of the chef black hair, "Hatter, this is my husband."

The Hatter eyed the other man cagily. This was no tame thing.

"Yeah, Virginia of the radiantly dewy skin married the big, bad wolf," Wolf grinned goofily.

"You're in denial. Medium sized, moderately naughty wolf would be a far more apt description," Virginia slapped his shoulder with the chef's had.

Giselle broke down into merry silver giggles. They were so _cute_!

Wolf pouted, "It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept."

His eyes flashed amber as he sniffed, actually sniffed the Hatter, "Do we like him. Or should I fetch the woodcutter's enchanted ax?"

"The juries still out," Robert said with a shrug.

The children looked from the Hatter to their parents like this was a tennis match.

The Hatter stood and put his hat over his heart and waxed mushy, "Gentleman, ladies. It's not like I don't know that Alice is as far above me as the North Star."

"Hatter…"Alice protested.

He waved her off. "This is the thing. When she left I was walking around with a hole somewhere in my chest. And that was after knowing her for two days." The Hatter locked eyes with Alice. "The idea of what it would feel like in a lifetime scared me silly. A scoundrel I may be, but stupid I'm not. So, I chased after her. I'll _never_ stop chasing after her."

Another perfect moment, Alice wondered if he kept them in his pockets for just these kinds of occasions. He made her cracked heart whole.

-----

Wolf had outdone himself. The trolley did hold a feast. Two kinds of mini quiche, mini eggs benedict on a toasted bun with steak or salmon and topped with cheese, scrambled eggs with bits of bacon. Chocolate chip waffles with strawberries and cream, cinnamon rolls dripping with warm caramel and nuts, breakfast steaks and fried potatoes, a mountain of sausage and bacon, buttermilk drop biscuits with gravy, bacon avocadoquesadillas, potato pancakes with applesauce, and a selection of fresh fruit cut into cunning shapes.

To drink there was rich black coffee, mimosa, Darjeeling Tea, milk and hot chocolate.

"What?" Alice said as she cut into her waffle. Wolf had been looking at her oddly.

He rubbed his for head with two crooked fingers, "Huff puff, Alice. You smell different."

"So, I've been told."

"It's like you've grown all wild." He tilted his head and sniffed.

Alice swallowed, "I have I ever expressed just how creepy that is?"

"On multiple occasions. Yes." Wolf sniffed again.

Then Warren sniffed her.

And Luna sniffed her.

And the Hatter sniffed her, "What? I didn't want to get left out."

"You smell like…a forest gone crazy," Wolf analyzed the scent.

"Tulgy Wood. Has to be," opinioned the Hatter.

"And well…" Wolf wondered if he should say anything.

He was saved from his dilemma by Warren and Luna

"You smell like Mama!" said Warren.

----

Virginia had come back to the Tenth Kingdom different. She was stronger, more able and kinder. She'd found and lost and found her mother. She had gained a brother in Wendell, which was good as he was, in actuality, her stepbrother.

Also, she's come back pregnant with a Wolf in tow.

Virginia and Wolf got married. Twice. Once in New York. Once in Kissing Town. They went into business as restaurateurs with funding from her father Tony's followers.

That still gave her the willies.

She was different. More then she knew. She didn't notice at first. Life being so hectic and she was so caught up in Wolf and the coming baby, in her brother's political problems, in her father's industrial revolution. Virginia had missed it.

In hindsight, it was so obvious. Her life had never been easy. It had seemed like an empty struggle to get from day to day. And just like that her world, her kingdom was overflowing with wonders and marvels.

Her consequent freak out when she learned that she was the heir apparent of _both_ the evil queen _and_ Snow White was understandable.

From her mother, Christine, she'd inherited a gift with mirrors. From Snow White she had found within herself the talent to help people. Instinctively she seemed to know the needs of people and how to help.

She had always taken care of her dad with a mixture of resentment and affection. But, now it was different. She enjoyed taking care of people.

Coming to terms with the first talent was more problematic. She _didn't_ want to look into a mirror and see people's secrets.

Virginia had eventually come to terms with her mother's gift when it had helped her find a missing girl.

She'd gone back to school on what Wendell had insisted on calling, 'The Snow White Memorial Scholarship,' and had gotten a degree in child and adolescent psychology.

Virginia became a youth councilor. Using, her degree and her gifts she was helping girls (and boys) that were lost in the woods find their way.

Alice was different too. Virginia ignored the conversations about hats, lamb chops, the dangers of magic shoes, talking chipmunks, inter-dimensional jet lag, and karate holds going on around her. She ignored her humming engagement ring and focused on the reflections in the mirror.

Wolf and the cubs with glowing eyes, Robert and Morgan's solid strength, Giselle…who looked like she was from an animated Disney movie were all reflected. Then there was herself, holding the mirror (the one she'd thrown in the river) that Snow White had given her.

The Hatter was entirely himself; scoundrel, conman, spy, dandy, mad man, hero, hopeless romantic and tea fancier.

Alice. Dear, sweet, dependable action girl with a percent for strange situations and meeting strange people had saved a world. And so, here she was with a naked heart and innumerable tangled possibilities swirling around her.

This would be interesting.

* * *

Alice wondered what Virginia had meant. "Do not think. Become," her diminutive cousin whispered in her ear. Ginny wasn't given to the cryptic.

Currently, she and the Hatter were on their way to Ellis Island. The Hatter was impressed. That was a _very_ large woman.

_"Give me your tired, your poor,_

_Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,_

_The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,_

_Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,_

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" Alice recited.

"To be free…is a great thing," said the Hatter as he swung his arms around her.

-----

"You are all mad," the Hatter said as they strolled down the creepy corridors of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. "What is the point of all this?"

"I don't think it has a point," Alice mused.

"And it's all made of wax?" he switched their hats, shook his head and switched them back.

"Yeah. Hey! Wait. You can't go carving 'Hatter was here' on Elvis!" Alice cried. "There are security cameras!"

* * *

Carol was sipping coffee when Alice all but, skipped into their apartment. "Hi honey," her mother said with a distinct lack of happy.

"Good morning mom," she merrily kissed her mother's cheek.

"You stayed the night at David's?" Carol asked a touch tartly.

Alice nodded and took of her hat, "Hmm. Yes! I had to cook breakfast because he can't do anything but, make tea and toast." She sat on the arm of the coach and fell backwards giggling.

Then she caught sight of her mother's expression and quickly sobered. "Mom! It was nothing like that. I just…fell asleep." She blushed.

Carol smiled ruefully, "He really is different isn't he. I've never seen you so gaga…over anyone. Ever."

"He makes me crazy," Alice confided. "He's the antithesis of every guy I've ever gone for."

Carol rolled her eyes, "He really not. He's not normal."

Alice laughed, "Normal is a dryer setting."

Her mother sighed, "I hope you know what you're doing. You've been hurt before," she cautioned.

Alice stroked her velvet sleeve. "I trust him."

"Oh," Carol managed. That was something _different_ all right.

* * *

The Hatter followed Alice through the halls of a hospital. It wasn't really any different from the one Alice had recently spent time in. All white walls, glass walls and depressing wall art. The smell of sickness, death, and artificial pine smell wafted about.

A pretty Asian girl in a nurse's smock was holding the hand of a curly headed woman with tear filled eyes.

"Ming! Mrs. O," Alice panted.

Her old girls basketball coach was shaking like a leaf. "It's bad Alice."

"Mr. O isn't doing well," her former classmate Ming said.

The Hatter could feel the sea salt tinge of Alice's sadness swirl around him.

Her explanation had been short. Mr. Dillon O'Brian had been an important part in her youth. He'd taught English and had run the school's glee club. A glee club was not a laughing club. It had something to do with music.

They had been in line at the movie when her cell had ringed. Alice had been out the door before he could ask her what was wrong.

The Hatter knew that this Mr. O was important to Alice and that's really all that mattered.

Ming rang her hands together, "I called you because you always know what to do."

Alice sighed and ran her fingers threw her hair. A habit she was picking up from the Hatter. "Can he talk?"

The nurse nodded, "Yeah, but he's fading fast."

"Let me see him?"

The Hatter sat by Mrs. Abby O'Brian and wished he could comfort her. The 'my lover/friend/spouse is dying and I can't do anything' feeling that the woman was emitting wanted him to find grab Alice and never let go.

Hesitantly, he reached out and patted her hand.

Abby O'Brian looked up and squinted, "You came with Alice."

"Yeah," he took off his hat.

"Are you her boyfriend?" she asked.

The Hatter nodded, "David Write. Alice calls met Hatter."

This elected a weak smile, "Alice and the Mad Hatter. Really?"

"Yes, that's it! It's always tea time," the Hatter made a show of looking at the clock and quoting the book.

Mrs. O giggled reluctantly.

The Hatter looked up at the glass hospital room where Alice was stroking the limp hand of a man with pale violet eyes and dark blond hair. She was speaking in a low voice.

Alice nodded at Mr. O and smiled tremulously.

She strode out Ming Yu at her heels. A determined cast to her features.

Ming smiled slowly, "I know that look. What are you going to do?"

"Mrs. O, I'm going to need to borrow the Glee-Mobile." Alice grinned at Ming. "I'm getting the band back together."

* * *

_Ya know what? __I wish I could see all my 'Rising Stars' perform together. Just once more. All my kids are special, but, you guys…you guys were my first. You taught me so much…_

The Hatter clung to the inside of the short brightly painted mini-bus. Alice could drive like a manic when motivated. It was exhilarating the way she plowed through the streets. The bus came to a screeching in front of the Meade Building and a tiny women with delightfully Wonderlandian fashion sense clambered onto the bus.

"Hi, Betty," Alice closed the doors with a whoosh.

Betty grinned widely showing off teeth trapped in green plastic and metal, "We're getting the band back together?" Really?"

Alice barreled away, Betty crashed in to the Hatter.

"Hello!"

----

Spider-Man and his dark shadow Venom were locked in epic combat. The kind some cultures would write epic songs about.

"Ya know something? It's really gross when you stick your tongue out like that!" Spider-Man remarked conversationally to his foe.

Venom growled, "Stay still, I want to eat your spleen! With a spork."

"A spork. Come on, you've got to have better material then that," bantered the wall-crawler.

"Hey! Don't make me come up there!" an amplified female voice called.

As one, the two arachnid themed adversaries looked down to see Alice Hamilton with a bullhorn and Betty Suarez glaring up at them.

"What the…?" they said more or less simultaneously.

"Peter, Eddie come on down," Alice demanded.

Both figures just stared. Spider-Man looked at Venom. Venom looked at Spider-man.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Betty snatched the bullhorn. "Guys everyone in glee knows how you two run around in footie pajamas! Mr. O's _dying_ and he wants to see us. All of us. And you're coming even if I have to _pull_ you by your _ears_!"

Alice pointed a thumb at Betty, "What she said."

Peter Parker sighed and pulled off his mask at the same time Eddie Brock's symbiote costume rippled and melted away. Two baby faced young men looked down with similarly paling faces.

"Sure. You could have just said," Peter said as swung down off the building.

Eddie followed, "You didn't have to yell."

----

"Who's this guy?" Eddie pointed an accusing finger at the Hatter.

Peter laughed, "That's Alice's boyfriend." He folded himself into a seat. "Don't worry about your secret identity. It's not like he's gonna tell." He grinned. "Would you believe he's from Wonderland?"

Eddie Brock laughed, "That sounds like Alice." He casually yanked the Hatter from his seat, "Hurt her and I'll strangle you with your own intestines."

The Hatter adjusted his tie. What was one of the more vivid death threats he'd ever received.

"Awww, that's sweet," Alice said from the driver's seat. "Psychotic. But, sweet."

"Ow!" Eddie rubbed his arm. "What was that for?" his tone was wounded.

Betty glared at him, "For becoming a supervillian. What were you thinking?"

----

Flash Thompson, Gwen Stacy and Taylor Davison came next.

"What are you going to tell people about the spandex?" Taylor wondered.

Peter looked at Eddie, Eddie looked at Peter.

"Costume party?" Peter ventured.

----

Gwen, who was a teacher at their old school, wondered how she could have missed it. She worked with Mr. O. If he were sick shouldn't she have seen it?

"Stop, beating yourself up," Betty said.

"I wasn't?" Gwen protested weakly.

Betty shook her head, "I know the look of 'what could I have done different' very well. This isn't your fault.

----

"So, how'd you find out?" Peter asked the one time bane of his existence who was now the president of his official fan club awkwardly.

Flash shrugged, "That time those Cobra operatives took over the school. I saw you changing."

"Hmmm," He had wondered why Flash stopped bulling him.

----

Mary Jane Watson soon to be Parker was taking her bows. She had _rocked_ the part of Velma Kelly. And why was Peter sans mask but in costume running up to the stage?

Her fiancée had whispered urgently in her ear. She paled, pulled off her wig and was soon running from her very confused adoring audience.

----

Next was Felicia Hardy in a sequined gown. She shrugged off her date. This was far more important.

"Darling," she purred. "I'm worth waiting for." Then she sprinted out of the restaurant.

----

"And what about the allegations about your metal health?" the reporter asked.

Harry Osborn smiled as the cameras flashed. He was an attractive man with a scarred face and a nice blue suit. "According to my doctors, I've fully recovered from my psychotic break."

He paused. The Glee-Mobile in all its horrific glory was waiting, parked illegally, behind the throng of paparazzo on the steps of city hall. And the Forest Hills High Glee Club: Rising Stars were waving at him. Including, Peter and Eddie. In costume. And they _hated_ each other. This bore investigating.

Now, how to get away from the throng…inspiration!

"Hey, look! There goes Wilson Fisk!" the former Green Goblin II pointed out the crime lord.

Fisk and his lawyers, all five, looked startled as they were descended by media vultures.

Harry laughed like a supervillian as he loped down the steps.

----

The ride to the hospital was pretty much what Alice expected. A rolling argument complete with wild accusations, insults and death threats. A shouting match between hero and villain, actress and thief, with the fashion editor's assistant trying to calm them down.

Ah, and the former villain making snide comments.

Gwen and Tyler were the only ones sitting down and not getting into a fight. Gwen was staring out the window trying to ignore Eddie's creepy one liners and Tyler was listening to his ipod.

"Are they always like this?" the Hatter wondered.

Alice swung a head left, "What, like a bag of cats? Pretty much."

"Hm. And yet you felt that getting them together was a …good idea?" the Hatter asked.

"I made a promise. And even if I have to wrangle these whack-jobs…" Alice muttered.

----

"Listen up!" Alice yelled. "Mr. O is not expected to make it through the night."

There was a hush.

"His last wish? It's to see us all one more time," Alice smiled grimly at her audience. "He wants us to sing."

The yelling returned in full force.

"With him?" Eddie demanded pointing at Peter. "I'd rather stick forks in my eyes. Dirty forks!"

"We haven't sang together for years!" protested the ever sensible Tayler.

Betty frowned, "I don't think the hospital staff would let us."

Alice listened to their protests, her lips in a hard thin line. She hit the bus's horn three times and when the noise died down. "We are going put whatever difference we have aside and we are going to go in their and make Mr. O proud. Or else."

"Or else what?" Eddie challenged.

She smiled at her former school mates. The Hatter tried to burrow into the vinyl seat cushion. It was the same smile she gave the Queen when she refused to take off the ring. It was a smile you didn't want to get on the wrong side of.

"The only way you're leaving is if you think you can take me," Alice turned her diamond hard gaze on him. "Do you thing you can take me, Eddie?"

Eddie Brock who was powered by a symbiote from outer space and an internal volcano blinked and sat down.

Harry laughed, "Alice, you've gotten scarier. I didn't think it was possible."

Alice glared.

"What do you want us to do?" Flash asked.

"Before, we go grab Ming from her rounds we need to figure out what we're going to sing…"

* * *

As he trotted after Alice and her fellow Rising Stars, the Hatter who had always been sensitive to time, noticed something, every clock in the hospital had stopped. In fact, they were all stalled on the exact moment Alice had left her teacher's hospital room.

He wondered.

"You can't all go in there!" a nurse protested.

Ming hid behind Harry. She was so fired.

"Hi Ming," Harry said lazily strumming the guitar he'd bought off a patient for five hundred dollars.

"Hi Harry," Ming whimpered.

"Didja hear? We're gonna sing."

Ming sighed, "Yeah, Betty texted me. Alice never does what you'd expect does she."

"Not as long as I've known her."

----

It was a good thing that Mr. O's laptop stored music for every performance his glee club had ever preformed mused Tayler as arranged the Playlist. He looked up to see Alice and Betty ordering directing the boys as they moved chairs around in the visitors lounge. Felicia was bribing the dean of the hospital to look the other way.

And Alice's weird boyfriend was talking in a low voice to Mrs. O. Taylor was glad that someone was looking after her.

----

Mr. O was wheeled out into the visitor's lounge. He looked a little better and was sitting up. His wife, his wonderful Abby sat down and too his hand. "Abby, what's going on?"

"You'll see."

_What would you think if I sang out of tune,  
Would you stand up and walk out on me?  
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song  
And I'll try not to sing out of key…_

Sang the Forest Hills High Glee Club: Rising Stars.

Mr. O sat up with a start…how? Why? Alice. He should have known that she would take his wistful suggestion as a challenge. Peter, Eddie and Harry in the same room without bloodshed was an accomplishment.

_Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends,  
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends,  
Mm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends. _

Mr. O shook his head in delight. They were as good as he remembered. He could only hope that he had enriched their lives as much as they did his.It was a kind of magic, MJ thought as she belted out 'You Can't Stop the Beat.' All their old hits, old chorography and they weren't so much as missing a beat or a step. It shouldn't be possible. It was just like the old days when every song seemed to tie into lives.

Felicia sang 'Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friends.' Followed by the 'To Dream the Impossible Dream/In Your Wildest Dreams,' 's divine rendition of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow.'

Harry's spot on take of 'Walking in Memphis,' Peter and Eddie's hilarious musical dual in 'Everything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.'

Alice nearly brought the room to tears with, 'Wild Horses.' Her boyfriend looked like he was having heart palpitations.

Ming and Taylor's duet, 'All I Ask of You' from Phantom of the Opera, Gwen's impressive Tori Amos cover of 'Kissing in the Rain,' one song flowed into another like drops of rain into the ocean.

The Elvis Presley and Elvis Costello mashup that helped win Sectionals. Meatloaf and Johnny Cash, the Supremes, Billie Holiday, Lewis Armstrong, all a language he taught them.

They had come to honor a man who'd believed in them no matter what. It didn't matter what differences (blood feuds) his kids had between them for this one moment. All that mattered was that they loved him.

Dillon O'Brian slipped away to 'Unforgettable.' It was fitting and he wouldn't be forgotten.

The clocks started and spun around to the correct time.

----

"You think I stalled time?" asked Alice in disbelief.

The Hatter shrugged, "Alice love, the clocks stopped when you made your promise."

She mulled it over, "A touch of magic?"

He slung he arm around her shoulders, "Sometimes, a little time's all you need."

----

_Dear Charlie,_

_Losing people never gets any easier does it? All we can do is treasure them while they're here…_

* * *

Notes

Senator Kelly is a anti-mutant activist in the Marvel Universe.

As we know the Cranston Estate was once the property of Lamont Cranston a.k.a the Shadow.

Cliff Marshland, a wrongly convicted ex-con who infiltrates gangs using his crooked reputation is a canon ally of the Shadow. Also, look at that description. Remind you of anyone we know?

Felicia Hardy is the civilian identity of the Black Cat, a thief who part times as a superhero. She has strange luck powers.

This is a different verse from my 'Once upon a time in New York' story. In that Warren and Morgan _aren't _cousins. Just so you know.

Remember, the Disney movie Bolt. That happened in this world.

Wilson Fisk is the Kingpin.

Cobra and J. I. Joe exist in the Marvel Universe.

I was watching Glee and this just happened okay?

The Forest Hills High Glee Club: Rising Stars Members Register.

Alice 'Of Legend' Hamilton

Peter Parker / Spider-Man

MJ Watson

Betty Suarez

Felicia Hardy/ Black Cat

Harry Osborn/ Green Goblin II (James Franco Model)

Eddie Brock/ Venom (Topher Grace Version)

Gwen Stacy

Flash Thompson

Ming Yu (OC)

Taylor Davison (OC)

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept. ---Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"

'Normal' is a dryer setting. --Elizabeth Moon _The Speed of Dark_


	3. Chapter 3

Hatter leaned back in the uncomfortable metal chair and grinned charmingly at the two detectives. The detectives scowled at him.

"Lovely place, you've got 'ere. The way the overhead flickers making the shadows that much more ominous, the grimy walls coated in a disagreeable yellowy tinged off-white paint with an unhealthy growth of mold," he said cheerily.

The Hatter saw two cops. One was a large male with a broad featured face with arching eyebrows, military regulation hair, and a scruffy chin; he wore a very nice dark suit and an unimaginative tie. His name was Detective Robert 'Bobby' Goren and his hazel eyes saw a lot. Calmly, he took a seat.

His partner, Alex Eames, was small, slender women with darkish honey hair that fell in layers to her shoulders. She had green eyes and a deceptively soft appearance. She wore a dun colored pants suit paired with heels and a teal top.

She dropped down next to her partner with a small huff.

The Hatter smiled even wider if possible. This was going to be _fun_. He continued to prattle, "I especially like how if you tilt your head just so, that largish stain in the corner there? It looks just like a jabberwok eating a mincemeat pie."

"Do you know why you are here, Mr. Write?" Eames asked. She was an old pro at interrogating suspects. But, there was just something about this exuberant little man that made her uneasy.

Like he was going to start making balloon animals or do a soft shoe number or sing

'Jail House Rock.'

"You, being coppers, are going to interrogate me. I'm guessing you think that because myself and my magnificent Alice where caught hovering o'er that poor bloke who got his head separated from the rest of his person, we had something to do with his untimely demise." The Hatter replied.

"That's…that's certainly a possibility that we're pursuing," Goren said. He evaluated the strange young man. And 'young man' was something of a misnomer. He looked like he'd been a young man for a long time.

Then there was the, ah…eccentric fashion sense. A well cut, two button suit, the trousers and opened jacket a dark amethyst. A milk white shirt with a stiff color paired with a darker purple and amethyst striped vest with five silver buttons. The tie was blue and purple silk with artistic swirls of black and gray in a half Windsor knot.

The handkerchief that peaked out of his pocket was a bright green.

And the top hat. You couldn't forget the dark amethyst silk top hat. That perched proudly on the top of his disheveled head at a jaunty angle.

Who had let him keep it? Goren kinda wanted to find out what would happen if he pushed of the suspect's head.

Or maybe not. For all his joviality, the suspect wasn't what you'd call tame and Goren didn't want to lose an arm.

All in all, the entire outfit seemed to indicate two possibilities. One, this was a dandy who liked attention. Two, this was someone so secure in himself that he really didn't give a rat's ass about what other people thought about him.

Or just maybe, all of the above?

"Mr. Write, could you please tell us what happened tonight?" Eames asked quirking a brow at her unusually quiet partner. Goren appeared to be moving his lip like a child trying to work out a particularly difficult math problem.

"For you, Detective Eames of the exquisite eyes? Delightedly," announced the Hatter.

Eames, who _hated_ it when suspects flirted with her, blushed.

Goren frowned.

"I shall begin at the beginning, go to the end. And then stop…"

**Earlier that evening…**

The Hatter blinked at the dizzying rainbow array of flowers. Tonight, was the night he would finally charm Alice's mum. Carol, while she didn't go out of her way to make her disapproval known, had a way of flaying him alive with the occasional offhand comments. Okay, that was a bit of exaggeration. But, sometimes Carol would say something about him that hurt Alice. It wasn't acceptable.

He certainly didn't blame Carol for her caution. Especially, now that he knew a bit more of Alice's history with men. Absently, he made a mental note to look some of the blokes up and have a conversation about how one treats a lady.

It was slow going. He'd gained Alice's trust. It had taken all he had and it was infinitely worth it. The Hatter suspected that Carol was like her daughter. You couldn't win her over with words, just deeds.

Not roses. The Hatter determined that right off. Roses were a Jack Heart move.

Orchids. That was the ticket! Elegant, understated, and demanding, just like the ladies he was giving them to. And he'd get live ones that they could keep.

For Carol, he picked a bamboo art deco pot that was filled to overflowing with tiny white blossoms with golden hearts called 'Winter's First Snow.'

And for Alice…it was a little more difficult. He'd been tempted with a pure white blossom but, the name, 'Precious Pearl's Butterfly Orchid,' had scared him off. Giving Alice pearls even the flowery variety would be creepy.

After much dithering, he picked 'Hawaiian Passion Orchids' in a simple green square pot. They were large, starry blossoms, in burgundy velvet.

He gave the delighted salesgirl a hundred dollar tip. He didn't tip the very rude cabbie with the unintelligible accent.

"The wind and the rain…" he sang Charlie's song as he sauntered to the apartment building.

The Hatter's instincts were honed by many years of living precariously perched between an insane absolute monarchy and a crazy resistance movement; therefore, he knew when he was being watched.

Also, the ring on his thumb was pinching in warning.

Fighting off an attacker while juggling two pots of delicate flowers wasn't easy but, it can be done.

The attacker was not prepared for someone who'd mastered Wonderland boxing at a young age.

To have any idea what Wonderland boxing is like one must picture an adolescent kangaroo on a sugar high who insists on throwing dynamite at your head.

The Hatter rolled his eyes, threw Alice's orchid up into the air, caught the falling blossoms with his hat and pulled back his fist…

His assailant whimpered.

"Not tonight, mate." The Hatter took down Alice's flowers and smiled, "I've got a hot date." He paused and sighed. "And her mother is coming."

The Hatter glanced down at his fallen adversary. Hmm. The blighter was nowhere to be found.

----

He paused at the door. He could hear Alice and Carol talking. Should he listen in? Yes!

Alice sounded aggrieved, "He's going to be here soon. Have you seen my earring?"

"The one you're holding in your hand?" Carol sounded amused.

"Um. Yeah. Thanks." A pause and some muted shuffling followed.

"Are you really going to wear those shoes?" Carol chuckled.

"I just put running shoes didn't I?" She sighed. "Where are my heels?"

The Hatter smiled and pushed the doorbell button with his nose.

Carol, elegant in green satin opened the door. "Hello, David…." She stared at the young man in the improbably colored suit. And hat. Mustn't forget the hat. Sometimes, she was convinced that Alice had hooked up with some child's stray, suddenly real, imaginary friend.

"Hi!" The Hatter looked from one pot of flowers to the other and handed her the larger one with a bow.

She smiled. Carol, now that she knew her daughters ex and currant boyfriends were from the same place (wherever that was?), wondered if, giving flowers to the girlfriend's mother was some kind of custom?

"Thank you, David. They're lovely," she smiled tentatively.

The Hatter removed his hat, "As are you."

Carol smiled at his sincerity, "You look very…nice?" In truth, he did look very nice. Just really colorful.

"Hatter!"

The Hatter never got tired of being greeted by an armful of happy Alice. And he never would. They kissed tenderly.

Carol cleared her throat.

Reluctantly, they pulled away from each other. The Hatter laughed at Alice's sudden shyness.

"You look like the first day of summer vacation," The Hatter told her. Diamonds peaked out from her long dark hair and she was wearing a satiny chiffon sheath thing with a delicately pleated bust and thin shoulder straps with flowery bits all in a muted golden rose that made her skin _glow_.

And it clung. To every delectable curve.

Alice rolled her eyes at the unusual complement and took her orchids.

----

Carol's expression was one of astonishment. Her daughter stuck out her thumb and a horse drawn carriage trotted up.

"Hello Howie," Alice said.

"Good evening, Miss. Alice." The driver said.

----

"You were attacked on your way to pick up your girlfriend and her mother?" Goren's forehead wrinkled.

"Mmmm. Yeah. That's what I said." The Hatter blinked innocently at the detectives.

They didn't buy it. This guy…this guy was guilty of something. Of what remained to be seen.

Eames cleared her throat, "And you didn't report it?"

"Naw," drawled the Hatter. "I was in a hurry an all."

"So, it wasn't important? Then why are you telling us now?" Eames wondered.

The Hatter shrugged, "Context. You wanted to know what happened tonight. So, I started at the beginning."

"Do you think that your attacker was anyway involved with the murder at the Harmonia Gardens?" Goren seemed to take a real interest in the 'jabberwok eating a mincemeat pie' stain.

"I suppose he might have been. But, then he could have been a run of the mill attack person," mused the Hatter thoughtfully.

Goren blinked, "You sound so nonchalant about it. Do you often get attacked?"

"Define often."

**A different track…**

Eames was tempted to sigh. A staring contest. Really?

Alice Hamilton stared unblinkingly at her partner. Her attractive features as cool…as a Vulcan's.

The detective mulled over the unsettling fact that she had seen the new Star Trek three times, once with her partner, one with her brother and once with her dad, and now she was likely to get the DVD for Christmas.

"So, your boyfriend says…" Goren began.

Alice broke into a sunny smile. The transformation was startling. Like the sun coming up from behind a cloud. "How much trouble is he giving you?"

Both detectives looked nonplussed at this cheerful question.

"Does he often give the police trouble?" Goren asked.

Alice chuckled, "He is the very definition of trouble," A thoughtful pause and then, "Just not…in a bad way."

"I see," Goren's head did an odd bobbing thing.

Alice leaned forward, "Detective, are you alright. You look like a bobble head doll." To the surprise of both detectives, she reached forward and patted his hand. "I know a good chiropractor who can help.

Robert Goren didn't know to respond to this sincerely meant concern. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

Eames took up the slack, "So, what happened tonight."

Alice fingered the sleeve of her dark blue velvet coat with milk white lace trim and smiled sardonically…

----

Carol was sitting across from her daughter and her boyfriend in the carriage. They were arguing. Somehow, the conversation had turned to physics. Chaos Theory, of all things.

Apparently, she'd been applying said theory to her relationship. The Hatter had gotten the idea that she thought he was filling her life with unnecessary problems.

Alice laughed. "Honey, I apply Chaos Theory to the majority of the things that happen to me. Its how I keep from going crazy."

The Hatter who was pouting looked at her from the corner of her eye and a faint upwards pull on the side of his mouth, "You've never called me honey, before."

Alice entwined her fingers with his, "Chaos Theory, in as few words as possible… chaos theory is really about finding the underlying order in apparently random data. No matter, how mad you seem, there's always a method to it."

"Your basic philosphy is a bunch of maths you only partway understand?" The Hatter's voice was filled with laughter.

"And lots of other things," Alice's voice lowered to a sultry purr.

"Lots of other things," murmmered the Hatter. And ardently kissed her fingers.

----

"Chaos Theory? To deal with your boyfriend?" Goren smiled. This was new.

Alice gave him an arch look, "You have _met_ my boyfriend?"

The detective thought about the bewildering peacock and his persistant blathering, "Point."

----

The Harmonia Gardens had remodled to reflect the décor of a bygone era. They checked in their coats at the coatcheck. But, not the hat. The hat stays. The waiter leads them to a table.

Alice frowned. There is something off about the waiter. It isn't just that he looked like exactly like Tom Welling. And that he stands far to close. Or that he's possesivly looking over her curves. It's the almost reptillian movements...

They settle in and peruse the menues.

Carol is amazed. This is a very fancy, very expensive place. And David hasn't done anything strange. Still, she supposes she's being a little unfair. He's no more strange then Wolf or Giselle. And they're a lot to get used to.

And he makes Alice so happy…

"Have you decided then?" Clark Kent was back and she really doesn't like the way his eyes lingered on her.

From the way the Hatter's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flair, he doesn't like it either.

"Yes," Carol closed her menu and smiled. "I'll have the smoked squab with summer peas and peppermint."

The Hatter made a humming noise, "The Thai spiced duck breast with jasmine rice and grilled eggplant, short ribs braised in red wine paired with parsnip potato gratin and the lobster baked with basil butter, sweet corn, lemon spätzle and jalapeño." He smiled at the waiter, who was blinking at the rather large order.

"And for you, miss?" the waiter smiled charmingly at Alice.

Alice took the Hatter's hand and smiled charmingly back, "Oh, I'll just share with him."

The waiter frowned a little at the sight of their joined hands, then smiled a trifle too brightly, "And something from our wine list?"

The Hatter smugly tightened his grip on Alice's hand, "Something dark that smells like plums, roses and ginger and tastes like the second to last day of summer?"

The waiter blinks, "Right."

----

Dinner is pleasant and filled with conversation.

"And who's Charlie?" Carol asked sipping her wine. It was really good.

"He's David's grandfather," Alice said brightly.

The Hatter glared at her. She really should leave the lying to the professionals. He could just here Charlie's outrage. 'A knight related to that shiftless Harbinger? Poppycock!'

Alice nibbled at the duck and tried very hard to laugh at the Hatter's gob smacked expression. She like how mobile his face was; how, it could move from angry to confused to amused in just a minute.

A waitress appeared at Carol's shoulder. On her tray was a glass of white wine. "From the gentleman at the bar." Carol turned looked and blanched.

"Oh, no," let out a sound somewhere between a whimper and a laugh.

Alice's sat up and followed her mother's gaze to the bar. A tuxedoed man smirked at Carol. He was tall, a little heavy set and not to hard on the eyes.

"Who's that and why's he leering at you?" Alice's eyes hardened at her mother's panic.

The Hatter had felt Alice's protective instinct before. It sounded in his blood like the rattling of shields and sabers. His glare turned to the man at the bar as well.

"That's Jack Donaghy. The worst blind date of my life," Carol moaned. "And that's including the one with the world's most paranoid cop."

The Hatter wondered if this Jack was anything like Jack Heart.

Alice relaxed infinitesimally, "How bad was this date."

Carol snorted, "He's the Vice President of Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric."

Her daughter made a gesture that Carol took to mean, 'more information.'

"He made me say his title over and over until I could recite it from memory. He talked shop continually. He kept trying to buy a small country over the phone." Carol was talking in a calm monotone. By the end of that evening she had so wanted to throttle the man. "He kept talking about his protégé and how much he hated her boyfriend."

Alice relaxed. A slow smiled scampered across her face.

The Hatter did like his alliterations.

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll take care of it," Alice slid out of her chair and wondered over to the bar.

----

"Jack Donaghy?" Alice asked handing him the wine he'd sent over.

"Yes," Donaghy raised an intrigued brow.

"Hi. I'm Alice. Carol's overprotective daughter." Her smile showed all her teeth.

Donaghy smiled, "Yes, the martial arts instructor. How nice to meet you?"

"Yeah. So, I was wondering? Are your intentions honorable?"

"…"

Alice began to tap a golden shod foot impatiently, "I'm waiting."

"No one's ever asked me that before," Donaghy said in wonder. "She must be a wonderful mother to raise so loyal a daughter," the words seemed forced out, as if it were a concept he was having trouble with. A pause followed by, "Not really, no."

She scowled at him. It was an impressive scowl.

"What will you do if I choose to press my suite?" Jack Donaghy wondered.

Alice leaned down, "Have you forgotten what I_ do_ for a living?"

Donaghy nodded his head, "I concede defeat. Give your mother my regards."

----

Alice sauntered back to the table with a palatable air of smugness, "Taken care of." She kissed her mother on the cheek.

"Do I want to know what you said to him?"

"Nope."

Alice held out a hand to the Hatter, "May I have this dance?"

David kissed her wrist, "I thought you'd never ask."

----

Arm in arm they walked to the dance floor pausing only to listen into a disturbing wedding proposal.

"You're blackmailing me?" a pretty dark haired girl asked her dinner companion in a shrill shriek.

He was a good looking young man with a lazy smile, "Yeah. I really am." He sipped his scotch. "You are going to marry me. Or those incriminating photos, that you are so concerned about, are coming out."

"You can't do this!"

"Oh, but I can," he smiled. "You are the love of my life. And whether or not you want to admit it, I'm the love of yours. Any little trysts we may have had really don't matter." He smiled at the girl's sputtering anger.

"You are a bastard," the girl hissed.

The young man shrugged, "And you are a scheming, manipulative bitch. And I love that about you. So, what's it going to be?" He held out a black velvet box.

The girl's lips curved into a half smile, "You'd go to all this trouble just to marry me?"

"Like I said, the love of my life," he reached out and took her unresisting hand.

"Wow," the Hatter said as he escorted Alice to the dance floor. "Didja see the size of that ring?"

Alice rolled her eyes. Naturally, the Hatter wouldn't see anything odd with that little display.

The dance floor was an expanse of white and black tiles were arranged in dizzying spirals. The orchestra pit was playing an instrumental version of 'The Way You Look Tonight.'

The mad man led the sensible girl to the center of the deserted dance floor and pulled her into his arms, "Enjoying yourself?"

Alice smiled, "Immensely. You and Mom seem to be getting along."

The Hatter shrugged, "Your Mum worries about you. And know that I know what kind of trouble you attract without even trying, I don't blame her." He smiled down at her, "Raising you had to be an adventure that deserves to be made into trilogy of heavy books."

Alice made a face and groaned before laughing, "I wasn't that bad."

"Oh, no? According to Robert, you attracted trouble like a magnet attracts metal bits. According to Virginia, you still do."

"Hn. Like those two have any room to talk."

"Alice, have I mentioned how very, very much I like this dress?" The Hatter asked trailing his lips across her shell like ear.

Alice shivered, "No."

"I like how it flows and molds and caresses you," he said sniffing her jasmine and vanilla hair.

"Do you?" Alice said.

"And I like those golden shoes. They're just brill. Even if they do look like architecture instead of footwear, they do all sorts of thrilling things to your calves," the Hatter said with grave sincerity.

Alice sighed softly, "If only the weather were warmer. We could find a fountain and you could see what this dress looks like wet."

The Hatter quivered. Alice. Wet pink dress. It was an image that made his bones feel all liquidy

Alice decided to take pity on her scoundrel, "Do you want to go make out in the coatroom before dessert?"

The Hatter blinked rapidly, "Yes!"

Alice laughed.

----

They never made it into the coatroom. Or dessert.

They snuck past the coat check girl.

Alice looked both ways carefully. She'd never been so bold with a man before. There was just something about the Hatter. She suspected that his naughtiness was contagious.

The giggly, sweet, hot mood was ruined when a naked headless body rolled out at their feet.

"This is more than a little familiar," the Hatter muttered. A moment later the head came tumbling after, a surprised expression etched into its features.

----

**Hatter**

"E looked like someone had told him a joke without a punch line," The Hatter mimicked the head's expression. "The look you get when you think you're supposed to laugh but, it's just not funny.

Eames made a face as the Hatter continued with excruciating detail.

"And he was a sort of grimy off-white; his eyes hadn't gotten that filmy coating as dead eyes are wont to do." He tugged at his bottom lip in thought, "Been dead about an hour tops."

Goren asked, "Been around a lot of dead bodies, Mr. Write?"

"Define, 'a lot.'"

**Alice**

"There wasn't any blood," Alice pushed her hair behind her ears causing her diamond dangles to quiver. "You'd expect blood from a beheading. Hmmm. The neck looked cauterized. So, maybe…an energy weapon?"

Goren cleared his throat, "You seem quite knowledgeable on the subject, Miss. Hamilton."

Alice shrugged, "This is New York. On average we get a high percentage of weird. Most of us have encountered a body or two. If you pay attention you know what to look for."

-----

"So, what do you think?" Alex Eames asked. She and her partner were leaning against the same wall. She rubbed her nose.

Bobby Goren bit his bottom lip, "Of him? Or her?"

"Both."

Goren let out a low chuckle, "We've had to grill a lot of perps. But these two…" He shook his head, "Those two are different on a fundamental level from anybody, guilty or innocent, who we've ever had in a room with a two way mirror."

Eames pursed her lips, "Really? How?"

The big detective grunted, "Have you ever met somebody who seemed like they belonged in a book. Like they were part of some great story?"

"I don't think…" She thought about some of their stranger cases. Of people met in passing. "Yes," Eames began slowly. "We've come across people who are…different."

Goren smiled at her discomforted expression and changed the subject, "David Write his girlfriend named Alice, calls him Hatter. That's… cute and I'm sure it has something to do his extensive haberdashery collection."

"Haberdashery?"

"Hats. I think he's got lots and lots of hats. In fact, I think he's something of a dandy, a dandy who cheerfully spends ridiculous amounts of money on clothing. He's vain but, I think he's just as comfortable scruffy as he is in sartorial spender.

I'm guessing— a more than comfortable childhood followed by a sudden plunge into poverty. As an adult, he would have gone to great lengths never to be poor again. Hatter's well educated but, doesn't act it."

Eames crossed his arms, "He's a conman." Her voice was flat. She didn't want to think about her initial reaction to those big brown eyes. She'd wanted to give him a hug and a cookie for God's sake!

"Well, yeah. The best spooks usually are."

Eames felt her left eyebrow lift, "You think he's a spy?"

An imperceptible wriggling of the shoulders, "It scans. A good conman would be that self confident even in the face of capture. But, he wouldn't have that utter lack of hubris. He's got pride by the buckets; but, not the need to pull one over just because he can. A spook would have that pounded out him in training."

"Huh. Why do you think he's here?"

Goren let out a short laugh, "He's so complicated, he's simple. The girl. Everything's about the girl. And she's so simple, she's complicated."

"Hmmm."

Eames, Goren reflected, had always been a good listener. She encouraged with soft noncommittal noises and a thoughtful tilt of the head."

"Alice Hamilton. 25. Father went missing as a child. Martial arts instructor. She should be easy to figure out. The surface is easy enough cynical, independent, distrustful of men. Solidly upper middleclass upbringing, the diamond earrings were a gift. I bet she dresses more subdued in her day to day.

She's been a witness for countless odd incident reports but, this is the first time she's ever been taken in.

And then there's this question…how did such a sensible girl get with _that _guy?" Goren sighed in frustration. "I can't seem to get past the surface."

"Good luck with that," the voice belonged to young woman in dark slacks and a champaign colored silk blouse. "Alice has always been hard to read." She nodded, "Casey Shraeger, detective. Second Precinct. I called it in." She'd been having a torturous dinner with her parents. She'd never been so grateful for a scream in her life.

"Hey, Second Precinct. You're one of Brown's Unusuals," Goren smiled big. He looked her over, took in the effortless poise and elegance coupled with a prickly posture. What was a rich, daddy's girl doing being a cop?

Shraeger rolled her eyes, like she hadn't heard that one before.

"You know Alice Hamilton?" Eames asked.

Casey let out a short laugh, "Yeah. For years every time I would be sent to summer camp there'd she be. She always made me take the top bunk."

Goren blinked dubiously, "And summer camp gives you insight?"

Shraeger lifted a finger, "The first year we bunked together it was 'Camp Truman' one of our camp counselors was a runner for a white slavery ring." She smiled grimly at Eames's horrified expression. "Alice beat the guy bloody, made _me_ help her drag him to this big tree that grew over a red ant hill. We tied him to the tree. And then she poured honey down his pants."

"Ah," Goren shook his head. That was interesting.

Eames let out a little gasp.

"We were ten at the time," Shraeger cracked her knuckles. "Then there was Space Camp. Our shuttle was accidentally launched."

"I heard about that," Eames exclaimed. "I thought it was just a rumor?"

"Nope. NASA went to a lot of trouble to make sure it stayed a rumor. That girl in there, she kept us all alive." Casey's eyes went soft as she imagined the incomparable sight of the Earth in all its green/blue glory on a backdrop of black velvet and diamonds. She shook her head, "Military Camp…" she went on to go over several very disturbing experiences.

Eames listened in horrified fascination.

Goren began to rearrange his profile of Alice Hamilton. It was more complete. It just made even less sense.

Shraeger's cell rang. She answered briskly, "Walsh? What is it? Delahoy's gone crazy. What again? Did he lock a suspect in a car with a bunch of rabid cats again? Oh." Her eyes went wide.

She turned to Goren and Eames and smiled widely, "One, Alice didn't behead that guy. Second, you'll never crack that egg. And third I've got to go." Shraeger turned to trot down the hall.

"What makes you think she won't crack?" Goren called after her.

Casey stopped and looked over her shoulder, "You aren't weird enough to take her."

Goren, to Eames's everlasting amusement was pouting, "Not weird enough? No ones _ever_ said that to me."

-----

**The Hatter**

The Hatter looked at the Styrofoam cup distrustfully. Steam rose in pleasant little curls. Gingerly, he picked it up and sniffed. He grimaced and took a little sip. He held the liquid in his mouth and made a face. It was comical, the way his eyes bugged and his lips twitched.

He turned and spat the offending liquid onto the cold concrete floor, "Blerg! The hell…what was that?"

"Tea. As per your request," you could never tell that Eames was fighting a giggle fit.

The Hatter with great care sat the cup as far from his person as possible, "That—that cup o sick was not tea! It's an affront to all things tea! It's what spam is to real meat! It's what spray cheese is to actual cheese! It's what carob is to chocolate!" The Hatter had been both fascinated and appalled with he'd been introduced to 'artificial food.' That simulated cat piss taste was lingering in his mouth.

"So, you didn't like it?" Goren lifted a cardboard box onto the interview table.

The Hatter glowered, "I've been tortured by professionals. On more than one occasion. And they never did anything like _that_ bit of calculated cruelty."

The detectives exchanged a look.

'Is he for real?' Eames asked with a little head tilt.

Goren nodded.

The female cop pursed her lips.

Goren began to unload the box. The items were once the unlikely contents of the Hatter's pockets; a blue plastic yo-yo, a wallet, a 'Lonely Planet Travel Guide to Guam,' a broken pocket watch of some antiquity, a 'Vote for Pedro' button, a knight chess piece, three decks of playing cards, a half eaten Scrumdiddlyumptious bar…"

"Hey!" snapped Eames.

"I need to get that utterly appalling taste out," the Hatter took a large defiant bite.

The other detective ignored this little exchange and kept unloading the box, a rubber ducky, an envelope filled with gourmet tea bags, a bag of tiddlywinks, a slinky, a length of blue ribbon, a roll of duct tape, a small photo album full of Alice, an argyle sock puppet, a lock picking kit, three magnets and a dozen silk handkerchiefs in eye melting colors.

"So, have you seen the previews for Tim Burton's Alice?" Goren began to play with the slinky.

The Hatter's whole face scrunched inward, "Hn." He glared. "Yes," and he was a bit creeped out. It looked like it might be a disturbingly accurate portrayal of Wonderland's wild past, and of his mad as a 'box of frogs' ancestor.

"Hmmm," Goren put down the slinky and flipped open the Hatter's wallet. "Business cards, lets see…Ambassador David Write, Wonderland Embassy.'"

The Hatter shrugged.

"Hatter: A Man Who Knows. The Mad Hatter: Ladies Man, Man's Man, Man About Town. The Ladies Man part is marked out and Property of Alice written above it." The detective scratched his nose. "Alice and Hatter. Cute. But, don't you think you're a touch obsessed with a children's book?"

The Hatter eyed Goren carefully before leaning back on his chair until he was balanced on the back legs. "Oh, ho! I see your game now!"

"My game?"

The Hatter laughed, "By insinuating something _nasty_ about me and Alice, you want to make me angry. See if I let little bits of myself scarper about, giving me away." His smile could only be described as cheeky. He waggled a finger, "Not bad. But, no cream cake for you."

Goren folded his arms, "No. It won't work. It might amuse you to pretend that it did. I, I don't think that I can goad you. You were telling the truth about being tortured? Weren't you?"

"Yep," the Hatter popped the p.

"I imagine as a spy," at the Hatter's off look he blinked, "Former spy, there's nothing that the NYPD could possibly do to intimidate you?"

The Hatter tossed his hat in the air. It hovered in cheeky mockery of the laws of physics. It fell on his head with a soft flup. He adjusted it. "Nope."

Eames ground her teeth. Usually, by this time the suspect would be spilling everything.

Goren smiled gently, "Your accent sounds English, Yorkshire if you want to be really picky. But, it's off, too much emphasis on the wrong vowel."

The Hatter made a 'please do go on' move with his hand.

"You don't have a green card. In fact, you seem to have a very blank past."

The Hatter raised a brow, "And. What? Threaten to send me away, back to where I came from?" He sniggered, "Mate, you don't have the wherewithal to send me anywhere."

Eames said, "You don't seem to find being separated from Alice too upsetting."

The Hatter tucked a hand under his chin and batted his eyes. Then his expression sobered and his brown eyed turned hard. "I find the notion very upsetting. It's just amusing that you're wasting you time threatening me with something that will _**never**_ happen when there's a killer on the loose."

"And your not a killer?" Goren asked.

The suspect shrugged, "If I was a spy, I may have killed the odd bloke. Did I kill this one? No."

"But, you are capable of it," it wasn't a question. Goren knew it. "I think you'd kill for Alice.

"Who isn't under the right circumstances?" the Hatter's eyes seemed to turn to shadows. "Would I kill for Alice? Hell, yes! But, luckily for any who'd cause my girl harm she can pound most of 'em into the ground." He smiled once sharp as needles. "But, that's one of the privileges of being in love with a warrior women." He looked from to Eames to Goren, "As you well know."

-----

**Alice**

"The waiter was a Skrull," Alice Hamilton said without preamble to the returning detectives.

"What?" Eames snapped. She was starting to get a headache.

Alice gnawed at her lip, "You remember the second to last invasion. The one with the skrulls." The Skrulls had been an improvement over several of the others. They were at least bipedal and closer to humans then say…the Phalanx. That was too Borg like for anybodies taste.

Eames twitched, and then glowered, "Yeah."

Goren's face closed off.

"Our waiter, He looked exactly like Tom Welling. And the way he moved…it was off, all weird angles."

"What make you think your Clark Kent clone was a skrull?" asked Goren.

Alice stretched, "Like I said the way he moved. Reptilian species move differently from mammals. I should know. I was in a Skrull holding cell for about two months."

"That wasn't in your file," Eames frowned.

"No. Not in your files," Alice threaded her fingers together.

Goren rolled his eyes. He suspected there were very thick files that went years back on this young lady. They just didn't belong to the NYCP.

Alice untangled her fingers and tapped them on the table, "I should tell someone about this."

"You have told someone about this," Eames said irritably. Just what the case needed… a paranoid alien spotter. She briefly reminisced about the days when aliens were just the headlines on tabloids and not something she had up close and personal knowledge.

Alice shook her head absently, "Somebody who can do something about it."

"Thanks," Eames rolled her eyes. "Your faith in us is truly overwhelming."

Alice lips quirked wryly, "Detection Eames, I mean no disrespect. It's just…the combined might of all the armies in the world couldn't do diddly. It took vigilante action to save the planet." She thought a bit and had to be fair, "Okay, so there were some official organizations that had an impact."

"And what would those organizations be?" Goren was intrigued.

Alice shrugged, "Couldn't tell you." She mulled it over, "I'll tell Sue."

"Sue?" Goren probed gently.

"Mmm. Sue Storm. She'll know what to do." Alice said with a decisive nod.

"You know Sue Storm. The Invisible Woman, wife of the smartest man on the planet?" Eames's question dripped lukewarm sarcasm.

Goren gave Eames a hurt look. Smartest man on the planet? Really?

"She used to baby-sit me. Also, we have lunch once a month," was the flat reply.

"Oh," was the reply.

Alice smiled thinly, "By now, you know that neither I nor Hatter had anything to do with naked headless guy."

"Really?" Goren asked.

"The security cams and the forensic evidence will have confirmed it," Alice's brow furrowed. "That being the case, I can't help but, wonder why we are still here."

-----

"Cut them loose," said Captain Deakins briskly.

"Sir?" Goren asked politely. He wondered how he could stall. It wasn't that he thought that Alice and her Hatter had anything to do with the vic. It was just…he didn't like mysteries he couldn't solve.

Deakins rolled his eyes, "I just got a call from S.H.E.I.L.D, _ordering_ me to let Alice Hamilton and David Write go and not to trouble them again."

Eames scrunched up her nose, "What's S.H.E.I.L.D?" She wanted to go to bed and forget she'd even met these people.

"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, They make Homeland Security look like fluffy puppies," Deakins said unhappily.

Goren cocked his head to one side, "Did they say why?"

Deakins snorted, "Apparently, they don't have to me a why."

"Well, you did say that Hatter," Eames said to Goren and didn't even notice she was calling Write by his nickname, "Was a spook."

Goren shook his head, "Not one of ours. If it were about him they wouldn't have said his name last. Like an afterthought. This is all about the girl."

"So, what? We're just going to let them go?" huffed Eames.

Deakins shrugged, "We don't have anything to hold them on. Not even circumstantial evidence. It's a good thing too. Her mother's terrifying."

Goren laughed.

----

It was a scene from a movie, Eames thought bemusedly.

Alice and the Hatter spotted each other from across the room. The loud police room seemed to still. The Hatter took off his hat and let it dangle at his side. He looked at Alice and Alice looked back at him.

"Hatter!" the girl with the night dark hair ran and all but leapt into his arms. They kissed. It was slow, tender and filled with passion.

Eames was _not_ getting misty eyed, thank you. Good God, did that girl's foot actually pop up?

"I missed you," and the Hatter's lips were once more molded to Alice's.

Carol, who had been glowering at the chief, laughed. They could be so cute. She wandered up and tapped the Hatter on the shoulder.

"Hi, Mom." Alice stepped out of the Hatter's arms and into her mother's.

"Alice honey, what am I going to do with you?" Carol kissed her on the forehead.

Alice replied with a dry, "It's too late to return me. I think my warranty is at least a year past its expiration date."

"Oh, you."

"'Ello Carol," the Hatter grinned at her and was astonished when his lady's mother pulled him in for a hug.

"Let's go home, kids." With that short sentence David, the Hatter, whatever the boy chose to call himself, was claimed as a member of her family.

Alice smiled like a contented cat. The Hatter didn't know what he was in for. All he wanted was for her mother to accept him. He'd gotten his wish alright. This wasn't the tentative approval that some of the men she dated, Jack included, had gotten.

This was the unconditional, uncompromising, possessive 'I am a mother lion, this is my cub, mess with my cub and die' attitude that Alice had grown up with. Carol had never extended this blanket of fierce love to any of her daughter's boyfriends.

The Hatter, Alice concluded, was in for a shock. Are you eating enough? Wear a coat when you go out. Is that what you're wearing? He was in for the mothering of his life.

Alice was glad; she'd have the opportunity to see it.

"Let's go out for ice cream," Carol said decisively. The children had seen a dead body been dragged into the police station. They deserved a treat. Not that a part of her didn't know that both had seen their share of dead bodies. And David had seen his share of police stations. She liked denial. It was warm.

Alice laughed, "We never did get dessert."

"Detectives," the Hatter came to a stop and smiled like a man who was leaving a police station to go get ice cream.

Goren straightened. Ah, the last word. He'd never admit, oh who was he kidding? He'd totally admit it. He loved getting the last word. Maybe, it was a bit petty but, everybody had their little quirks.

"Back to Wonderland?" the detective asked.

The Hatter shook his head, "Just the embassy." He looked from Goren to Eames. "So, I expect an invitation to the wedding." His smile impossibly went wider. "After, you man up enough to ask her."

Eames blushed.

Goren blinked as the last word scuttled out the door. And then just what was said registered. He couldn't look at Eames.

The Hatter held out his arms, "Ice cream, ladies?"

Alice took his right arm and Carol his left and they swept out of the police station.

They didn't notice the officer who looked up from his desk to glare at their departing backs. The officer's eyes changed. From a dull brown to a vivid slit eyed green. "Alice," the skrull murmured.

* * *

**The next time on 'The Other Side of the Mirror,' will we find out why Alice is being followed by a skrull? Will the Hatter be out-weirded by Deadpool? Is the Wonderland Embassy haunted? **

Notes

Detective Robert 'Bobby' Goren, is a very strange homicide detective from 'Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

The ever practical Detective Alexandria Eames is his partner.

The Harmonia Gardens Restaurant was featured in Hello, Dolly!

Tom Welling plays Clark Kent in the CW's Smallville.

John Francis 'Jack' Donaghy is the Vice President of Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric. You can find him on 30 Rock.

John Munch is the World's Most Paranoid Cop…too many cop shows to count.

The snobby young couple is Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass.

Detective Casey Shraeger is from the short lived but awesome, The Unusuals.

Space Camp was an 80's movie. It just seemed like something that would have happened to Alice.

The 'Vote for Pedro' button is from Napoleon Dynamite.

The Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar comes from the mysterious Wonka Chocolate Factory. The only place in the world that mixes it's chocolate by waterfall.

'Ladies Man, Man's Man, Man About Town', this is from the movie down with love. In the movie, 'Ladies Man and Man's Man we're reversed. The Hatter, unlike Catcher Block would have the 'Ladies Man' part first. He just would.

Skrulls are a race of fictional shape shifting aliens from the Marvel Universe.

S.H.E.I.L.D is a fiction espionage and law enforcement agency in the Marvel Universe. The acronym has stood for a few different things but, I chose the one used in the Iron Man and Incredible Hulk movies.


	4. Chapter 4

The Hatter was happily dreaming. It was a good dream. He and Alice were having a picnic in a meadow. He could feel a happy breeze, the sun was shining warm, the tea was hot and there was all the cream cake he could possibly want.

Alice was wearing a short, baby blue sun dress. She seemed really intent on feeding him chocolate covered strawberries.

Then like the snap of the fingers that dream was over…

Alice was dreaming. She was in a circus. And she was a tightrope walker. Not only was she _really_ high up, she was wearing a shiny sequined number that didn't seem to cover a whole lot.

She took a breath and stepped onto the tightrope and the crowd cheered; which really didn't make this experience all that better.

Alice very firmly didn't look down. Instead she focused on her destination. And suddenly things were much better. There was the Hatter coming to meet her half way. And bonus. He was wearing tights!

And then…

Charles Xavier, the most powerful telepath on the planet reached out. His mind flows out like a mist and touches every sentient mind on the planet Earth; young and old, rich and poor, mutant and sapian, magic and mundane, even villain and hero.

He borrows their strength; the strength of his own children, of friends, of enemies, of strangers.

His mind touches Alice and the Hatter and through them he touches upon a world of good natured madness.

He adds them to the throbbing group mind. Xavier punches Galactus, Destroyer of Worlds in the face with them, "Hello Galactus. Remember me? I've brought six billion of my friends."

There is a sound like the foundations of the universe quaking. Galactus who had always scorned the lives he brought to end was experiencing all of them at once; pain, love, birth, dying, fighting, playing, growing. Everything. All at once.

The entire gauntlet of human experience shoved into the head of a primordial god…the results usually aren't pretty. Ask Illyria.

And to add to that gestalt of minds plus the sheer utter insanity of Wonderland?

Galactus whimpered. And passed out.

Professor Charles Xavier tried not to feel smug as he released the minds of earth. It was tacky.

"What the hell was that!" bellowed someone whose psychic aura was a swirling Mandela of chaotic color; bold bronzes, deep purples and dark greens dappled with electric azure. The aura, incongruously, seemed to smell of tea.

"Hatter!" this aura was all calm shades of blue and passionate violets and splashes of gold that weren't so much melted together as they were entwined like intracate lace with touches of sunshine yellow.

"Alice!"

Xavier watched in bemusement as the two souls embraced.

"What's going on?" the Hatter wondered. "One minute you were feeding me chocolate covered strawberries and the next it's like someone's using my actual brain to beat someone over the head!"

"Ah, yes," interrupted Xavier. "I'm afraid that was my doing. I apologize for any inconvenience." The professor was anticipating many irate phone calls from people who wouldn't really enjoy being used as a bludgeon. He especially wasn't looking forward to explaining to Scott's temperamental cousin.

"Who are you?" Alice demanded.

"I am…ah Alice Hamilton." Xavier peered closer at her fascinating mind and its ability to adapt to practically any environment. "I'm Charles Xavier. We have not met but, I do believe we know of each other. Several of my students hold you in high regard." He had been interested in meeting the young lady that Kitty had often remarked was 'made of awesome.'

And her companion. Wonderland was real. Huh. That would explain… well everything about the Hatter.

Alice remembered, "Oh, yeah. You're the headmaster of the 'Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters.'"

Xavier got the impression of a smile like a flash of sunlight.

"I don't mean to be rude. But, what the hell was that?" repeated the Hatter.

The professor explained.

"So you made every mind on Earth into a wreaking ball of doom and hit Galactus with it," Alice summarized.

"Essentially, yes," Xavier replied.

"Who's Galactus?" wondered the Hatter.

"Giant primordial god-thing who likes to eat planets," explained Alice. "He wears the ugliest hat known to sentient life."

"Ah," to the Hatter this made perfect sense. A bad hat. "Can we go back to bed?" he asked plaintively.

"Certainly, goodnight Alice, Hatter," and Charles Xavier sent them back home.

Alice fell off her bed with a whooph. She stared at her ceiling, "This is going to be a weird day."

* * *

"Welcome to another addition of 'Walking with Jabberwoks," said the voice over guy. Charlie's newest obsession was wildlife television. Jack hadn't been best pleased that the Hatter had gotten the White Knight hooked on the work of Nigel Thornberry and the late, great Steve Irwin.

Mostly because Charlie had decided that the thing to do was premiere his own version of wildlife documentaries. The king had watched the first viewing with a veritable twitch as Charlie had ruminated on the life cycles of the Bandersnatch. Who was a hairsbreadth of eating the knight.

It was a good thing Shelia was looking out for him. It really boggled the mind, how did he survive this long without her?

"Behold, the majestic Jabberwok as it glomphs in the Tulgy Wood. See how it sniffs the air in anticipation of a meal. Are you getting this Sheila?" Charlie grinned at the camera, mustache quivering in excitement.

"Charlie! Be quieter…I think it smells you," came Sheila's voice.

Charlie rolled his eyes, "Don't be silly Sheila. It clearly smells the plum cake I made for bait."

"The plum cake you fell into? The plum cake that's clogging up your chain mail? Is that the plum cake you're talking about?" Shelia sounded annoyed.

"Why yes. That plum cake," the knight grinned happily at the camera. "Besides, what of it? So what if it can smell me," he straightened to his full height, his armor gleaming in the sunlight. "I'm a knight," Charlie said confidently.

A noise like a thunderstorm screaming ripped through the woods.

"Oh," said Charlie. "Shelia, I think we should run. Very fast."

Sadly, no one was watching this riveting episode. Even sadder, they weren't having tea or eating cake or making out like teenagers.

Alice and the Hatter were running away from something very fast, weaving around furniture.

"This is familiar," Alice panted.

The Hatter laughed, "Tulgy Wood. Good times." He skidded to a stop, upended a coffee table and pulled Alice behind it.

"You think that's going to help us?"

Really, she should have a little more faith in him. "Just wait," he whispered against her ear.

Alice, despite having had an epic wakeup call and despite being chased by what looked like an angry knife that _snarled_, smiled. She'd had hundreds of weird days even before she fell though the mirror. And when other people were running around like they had 'squirrels in their paints,' she'd dealt with all of them with a ruthless practicality

Somehow, Alice was convinced that made her sane.

Doubtless, she'd have hundreds more strange days. But, it was nice to know, that someone would be dealing with them with her.

The Hatter picked up the table by its legs, using it as a shield and began to move in a slow circle, Alice who was forced to move with him as he had her pinned between him and the table rolled her eyes.

Great. One of his plans.

"Let me guess; you go this way, I'll go that way," she snarked.

"Alice," the Hatter murmured, "That knife means to draw blood. I'm not going to let it. I hate to bleed. And I hate even more when you bleed. So for once…cooperate."

She caught the annoyed tone. Was it wrong that she found an annoyed Mad Hatter so very sexy?

"Hey knife!" shouted the Hatter, "You're as dull as a soup spoon! Your shine has been replaced by rust! You're as scary as a plastic ladle!"

Alice tried not to giggle. He was mocking the cutlery. It deserved a giggle.

There was a silvery screeching noise from above. It was the knife. And it was glaring, with its little carved face at the Hatter.

"Come and get me, letter opener. If you think you're 'ard enough," the Hatter said cockily.

The knife screamed and flung itself at them, the Hatter swung up the little table. The little wooden table, thus did he catch the knife.

He plunked down the table with a triumphant crow. Then he kissed Alice soundly in celebration.

"How do you like that apple peeler?" mocked the Hatter.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Don't mock the scary knife."

The Hatter blinked, "Why not. It can't hurt me. Can it?"

"No. It's tacky."

The Hatter shrugged, "I wonder what kind of knife it is. And why it was chasing after me."

Alice sat on the leather turtle shaped footstool and tapped her chin. "It's a Phurba," she dredged up a comparative religion class lecture. "From India. A weapon against evil."

The Hatter pouted, "I'm mad not evil. You'd think a magical weapon would know the differece."

"You'd think." Alice lowered herself to eye level with the knife. "There is a difference, between evil and chaos."

The Phurba gave her a skeptical look.

Alice smiled, "Crazy is just as much a part of creation as order. They go together. It's were life comes from." She suddenly frowned. Where the hell was this coming from? Words coming out of her lips…she just couldn't remember thinking them. Oh, right. A touch of magic.

The knife considered this. It looked from Alice to the Hatter. It scowled.

"Oh," Alice understood. "This is awkward."

"Oh, what?" wondered the Hatter.

"It was trying to protect me," Alice said.

The Hatter glared at the knife, "You can tell it to sod off. Protecting you is my job."

The Phurba seemed to evaluate the Hatter.

"From you."

"Oi!" the Hatter exclaimed. And went nose to tiny carved nose with the knife, "Listen 'ere, butter spreader, I protect Alice. She's…" he groped about for words. "Everything…and, and why am I justifying myself to a bit of animated metal?"

Alice blushed at his admission. She started when the knife yanked itself out of the coffee table and spun into the air.

The Phurba circled them and hovered for a moment in indecision. To Alice's great surprise it kissed her on the cheek before coming to a halt in front of the Hatter's wild eyes. It snorted and its expression seemed to say 'you're not much but, you'll do' before speeding back to its velvet lined case.

Alice and the Hatter blinked at each other. Then they started laughing.

"Is this what your life's like? One odd thing after another?" queried the Hatter.

Alice nodded, "Yeah, pretty much."

"No wonder you weren't driven mad by Wonderland," he smiled. "If of course, by mad one means insane and not _really_ irritated."

Alice rested her head against his shoulder, "My life is long boring days interspaced with moments of improbability and terror."

"Hum." The Hatter kissed the top of her head. "Better with two. Yeah?"

"Yes. Better with two."

----

Making sandwiches with the Hatter was always an experience. It would always start the same way, with the Hatter asking the same question about the origins of the word 'sandwich.'

They had sandwiches in Wonderland. Only, they didn't call them that. They called them 'betweens' because you put various fillings 'between' two slices of bread.

Alice would relate the same story about the Earl of Sandwich and how he wanted to eat and gamble at the same time. She tried not to gag when the Hatter made combined tastes that should _never_ go together like salami, peanut butter, provolone and Skittles on toasted rye with spicy mustard.

It made her Nutulla and bananas on wheat toast with the crusts cut off look down right tame.

Then the Hatter would say something about the earl of the sand witches being very smart.

"Did you ever have the feeling someone's watching you?" Alice asked nonchalantly.

The Hatter who had been about to take a bite off his huge creation carefully lowered the sandwich to his plate and favored Alice with a bland smile, "Yeah, on occasion."

Alice nibbled and chewed and swallowed. Yes. She was putting this off. She'd tried to ease into the conversation… She had really wanted to avoid his 'Alice Danger Sense' if at all possible.

His polite smile told her of her failure.

"Ever since that night you took me out for dinner with my mom…" Alice had told Sue Storm about the possible skrull. She hadn't told the Hatter.

"You've felt like you've been followed for three days now and you didn't tell me," his smile grew even blander.

Alice winced and sipped her peppermint tea. "That's not the only thing I haven't told you." She sighed, "It really didn't occur to me to tell you. I'm…not used to having a _partner_."

The Hatter bit his bottom lip. Alice did say that she trusted him. Completely. Maybe, she just wasn't used to trusting him yet.

"Tell me," the Hatter said softly.

Alice told him. She spoke of Skrulls and the invasion. She told him about two months in a Skrull prison camp and the very bare details on her escape.

"And you think that one of these alien lizard guys is following you about possibly beheading people and steeling their knickers. And you told someone else first?" the Hatter asked calmly.

Alice clasped her hands before her, "Yes." Her voice was very small and he could feel the guilt that she was emitting.

Hmmm. She responded far better to sadly softly spoken words then she did angry ranting. He'd remember that.

And he'd remember the bit about her stay in a prison camp. The Hatter had ways of making her talk.

The Hatter reached out and patted her hand, "Are you sure it's the same shape changer?"

Alice nibbled. Mmm Nutulla. "I can't really see them sending an entire strike force after me. It's not like I'm a superhero." She thought a moment, "Whoever this guy is he's not very good at the infiltration."

"Why would you say that?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "He's wandering around as ridiculously good looking actors. In New York. All it would take is a phone call and he's fodder for the paparazzi."

Ridiculously good looking actors, was it? The Hatter took in the slow rise of her lips. Oh. The sly little minx. Well, he certainly wasn't going to rise to that bait.

The Hatter pecked her on the lips, "So, you start work again tomorrow?"

Alice nodded, "Yep." She was torn on one hand she loved teaching, on the other she adored spending so much time with the Hatter. That was another first. Usually, her boyfriends fell into two camps. The first were the commitment-phobes that inevitably ran. The second were the guys that clung.

The Hatter was neither. He had left his world for her. And okay he clung. But, she _liked_ it.

A sound reverberated through the mansion. It was a low and chilling laughter. Alice could feel her spine prickling with something unpleasant.

"What was that?" Alice was off her chair and shifting into a ready stance

The Hatter chuckled, "It's properly just the ghost."

"The ghost?" Alice blinked.

"For what Jack paid for this place there should be a ghost," the Hatter returned. "A big old place like this should 'ave a ghost. Gives it character."

Alice's expression smoothed out, "You. Are really crazy, on anyone else it would be off-putting. On you it's charming."

"Thank you, darling."

* * *

"A karateka named Shoshin Nagamine once said, "Karate may be considered as the conflict within oneself or as a life-long marathon which will be won only through self-discipline, hard training, and one's own creative efforts," Alice told her beginners class earnestly.

"The Way of the Empty Hand is more than way to protect your self or stay in shape. It's a philosophy. Only with a clear mind and clear conscious can one be a karateka. It's a discipline that stresses self control. A single blow from someone who knows what they are doing can kill. Those who would misuse what is taught here bring dishonor upon themselves." The sensei studied her students, looking upon each face that had come to the dojo, to see their commitment.

Alice blinked. Jude Law was taking her class. Interesting.

A hand in the back tentatively raised itself, "Teacher." The voice was sorta British.

Alice stopped in her bare feet. Would he? Of course he would.

The Hatter in a white karategi and a beginning students white obi was grinning at her cheekily. He bounced on his toes. He was hatless and his hair was so appealingly messy, that she just wanted to run her fingers through it. He smiled widely. "I mean sensei," he bowed awkwardly at her.

Alice wondered at the tingle that the Hatter calling her sensei invoked. She gave him her sternest look, the one that made her look like a scary librarian. "You must be Mr. Write?"

"I must be, "the Hatter replied. He looked at her like she was chocolate cake.

Alice blushed. Why did he have this affect on her? It wasn't fair. The first time he'd touched her, when he examined the glow her heart had started beating like a drum solo.

"You had a question, Mr. Write?" Alice managed

"I don't suppose you'd like to go out with me?" asked the Hatter impishly.

Alice kept her face blank, "Mr. Write that would be inappropriate."

"Ah," the Hatter raised a sardonic eyebrow.

She didn't cringe. Okay, so Jack had been her student. So she dated him…

"Tell you what, Mr. Write. I'll go out with you. If and I do mean if you prove to be a proficient student," she said flirtatiously.

The Hatter looked startled. Good. It wouldn't do for him to get to complacent. "Really." His smile came back bigger and twice as wicked, "I'm going to be the best student you've ever had."

Alice didn't doubt it for a moment. She walked back to the front of the class with lips that couldn't help but curl up.

Jude Law glared at the Hatter.

-----

For the entire day they were followed by 'Ridiculously good looking actor clones' as Alice called them—the Hatter was pretty sure she emphasized the ridiculously good looking bit just to be annoying.

He wondered if telling her that he found annoying cute would make her stop. The Hatter decided not to risk it.

The Hatter was starting to get annoyed. This stalking of Alice was getting old. It would have been taken care of fairly quickly if the Fantastic Four weren't in Kentucky fighting the Mole People.

So, it was left up to the two of them.

-----

Alice and the Hatter left the theater hand in hand. This was the third Broadway play they had seen together.

The first was the Phantom of the Opera. The Hatter's running commentary and his theory that the Phantom and Raul were in fact, the same person had made her break into a torrent of gigglers. She hadn't been a giggler until she met him. Later that week he had made her melt with an impromptu performance of 'The Music of the Night.'

'Momma Mia!' turned him into an ABBA fan. The horror.

Tonight was 'Into the Woods.'

"So, how did you like it?" Alice looped her arm with the Hatter's.

The Hatter sighed, "It was very real wasn't it. Stories aren't as simple as they are in text. They go all over the place." He thought and let out a chuckle, "How does Wolf like it?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "According to him, Stephen Sondheim is prejudiced against lupines. But, then he has to be honest. Wolves are just like humans. Good, bad and indifferent."

"I suppose they would be," the Hatter replied. His face lit up in a smile that was all naughtiness and innuendo.

Alice's breath hitched as he brushed her neck with the back of his fingers.

"Alice, do you do things like this on purpose. Wear you hair up so I have to stare at your neck? It's a nice neck, all column-y with smooth pale skin." He leaned in close, "I think I 'aven't paid enough attention to this lovely piece of your anatomy."

"Oh," was her less then coherent reply.

"Come with me," he gently let her to the alley way between two theaters.

Alice protested, "Where are we going?"

"Here," the Hatter pressed her against the brick wall, his arm trapping her in. "Hello, Alice."

"Hi, Hatter," Alice breathed. She was very startled when he took in her scent from clavicle to the back of her ear.

"Just something I wanted to try," he murmured.

She suddenly remembered something, "Wait. Did you get this from Twilight fanfiction?" Alice had been both amused and disturbed at how the Hatter had been taken by books that pulled in the teenaged girls and middle aged women. He liked to read the naughty bits out loud.

"Maybe," then the Hatter bit her.

"Ouch!" Alice considered the sensation of the Hatter nipping sharply at her neck. "Do it again!"

The Hatter laughed once with elation.

His Alice had more than a little of the wild in her. He leaned in and kissed her sweet lips before returning to her neck.

This was shaping up to be a fine evening indeed.

Naturally, this is where they were interrupted. Rough hands pulled the Hatter from Alice and tossed him with great force at a dumpster.

Fortunately, it was closed.

The assailant looked like a 'ridiculously good looking actor,' specifically, Christian Bale. He glared murderously at the Hatter.

"Hey, Batman!" Alice stepped forward and with several short and sweeping movements that had him hit the ground with a thump.

She ran to the much bruised Hatter and helped him up, "Are you all right?"

"'M fine love," He straightened his hat. "Is that our stalker?"

'Bale' rose slowly from the ground. His features rippled and a handsome if scaly visage emerged. "Stop touching her! You don't get to touch her!"

The Hatter's eyebrow went up. He didn't get to _touch_ her, huh? He snaked an arm around Alice's waist yanked her close and kissed her mouth lightly. Then he smiled winsomely at the skrull.

The skrull growled.

"Jash?" Alice recognized the skrull before them.

The Hatter's grip tightened when he felt all her muscles clench up and her stance shift, "You know this lizard?"

"Yeah. I know him," Alice's tone was icy as her eyes. "This is Lieutenant Jash of the Skrull Empire. He was my prison guard." She tilted her head, "Why are you on Earth?"

Jash stepped forward and said with great sincerity, "I have come to claim my bride." The skrull sighed at her blank expression. "I intend to marry you Alice Hamilton," he announced grandly.

Alice blinked. Then she burst into peals of rich laughter.

The Hatter loved the sound of her laughter it ran through his veins like warm caramel. Also, the hell?

"Why?" Alice demanded. "Why would you want to merry the woman who beat you into a bloody pulp, humiliated you in front of your squadron commander and stole your spaceship?" She was very much aware of the Hatter's proud grin and calculating eyes.

She _really_ didn't want to tell him that story. Telling a mad man who made you his first priority over everything that something horrible happened to you would not go over well.

Alice didn't think that the fact that this had happened before they met would appease her devoted loon.

Jash said pompously, "By besting me in battle you have proven yourself worthy to be a skrull warrior's mate. You will have found that the males of your own species undeserving of you and you desire a real warrior to share your bed."

Alice gave the Hatter a lengthy once over that made him feel delightfully bare, "I have found nothing of the sort."

The Hatter bared his teeth. It was far to savage an expression to call a smile, "Alice would you mind terribly if I severely bludgeoned your young beau?"

Alice answered, "I kinda wanted to do it myself. After all, he is stalking me and killing waiters in _my_ city."

"You got to beat 'im up last time. It's my turn," the Hatter whined.

Jash looked from one to the other in consternation. Had they forgotten he was here? "Send your playmate away, Alice, and come." This was a demand.

Her mouth hung open in a little o before snapping shut and held up a finger, "Do you _love_ me, Jash of the Skrull? Or wait. Skip that. What do you actually know about me?"

Jash was taken aback. What did _that_ mean? "I…"

"What's my middle name? What's my favorite show? What country did I backpack in during my junior year of college? Do I like coffee or tea?" she smiled thinly at the fuming skrull.

"Hortense. Stargate. Italy. Both." The Hatter recited happily. "Can I please beat him up?"

Alice sighed. Rolled her eyes. "Yeah, go ahead. Pummeling only. No killing." She tilted her chin and addressed her would be spouse, "I don't know what was going through that thick skull of yours. But, I know this. If I'm going to marry anyone it's gonna be him," she nodded at the Hatter.

The Hatter let out a little gasp, "Really?" His heart began to drum like a rock concert.

Alice kissed his cheek, "Yep." It wasn't, surprisingly, a hard thing to admit. It was a fact. The sky was blue. Magneto was crazy. Gravity made things fall. She was going to marry the Hatter.

And it didn't freak her out. At all.

It made her all happy. Alice smiled at the Hatter's look of absolute joy, "Ask me in nine months. I expect a nice long leisurely courtship."

"Whooohooo!" the Hatter whooped. He grabbed and dipped Alice, kissing her with complete abandon.

Jash screamed internally. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to want him back, not dismiss him like he was an errant child. In the prison camp, he'd admired her. It amazed him how someone so fragile could have so strong a will. She never broke.

That Alice had managed to escape, free the other prisoners and face him in battle had made her well nigh irresistible.

And she was rejecting him in favor of that garishly dressed buffoon. Even with his limited knowledge of earth fashions, he knew that you didn't wear those colors together.

When they finally pulled apart, Jash pointed a taloned finger at the Hatter, "I'm going to gut you open and leave your cooling carcass to the scavengers."

"Oooo," the Hatter did lazy jazz hands. "So scary," he mimed a little boxing. "Is he always this dramatic?"

Alice sighed, "Wouldn't know. Two months as his prisoner and the only time he'd spoke to me was during interrogations."

The Hatter frowned. He'd looked up the Skrull Invasion when he found out about Alice's stint as a captive. Three thousand people dead and the rest of the planet had been severely traumatized. He could only imagine what had gone down in that interment camp. And he can only imagine what Alice didn't tell him. Unfortunately, he had a great imagination.

It didn't help that sometimes, on the nights she fell asleep in his arms, she had nightmares. Sadly, she didn't talk in her sleep, so he really had no idea what they were about. And afterwards, she never wanted to talk about it.

And now someone who had possibly hurt her was here demanding her hand in marriage. This was going to be so much fun!

"Oh, go ahead," Alice huffed.

The Hatter smiled wickedly, "Really?

She rolled her eyes, "Really, really. But, no killing. I want him to spend a _very_ long time in an S.H.I.E.L.D cell." Alice shot a grin at Jash, "Incidentally, Hatter's an _excellent_ warrior."

The Hatter preened, "Shall we dance?"

Jash snarled and was promptly knocked across the alley by a red and black blur.

The Hatter looked down at his clenched right fist and sighed in disappointment.

It was a well built figure of a masked man dressed in red and black spandex.

Alice closed her eyes in horror and counted to three. Maybe if she wished really hard he'd disappear. Her eyes snapped open. No such luck. He was still here.

"Hiya, bestest buddy!"

"Hello Wade," Alice looked like she'd taken a sip of pure lemon juice and was too polite to spit it out.

"How's my favorite-st person in the whole wide world? Can you believe the nerve of some people? I come to visit my pal and some skeeve with scales is menacing her. Do like coconut cream pie? Not like, like coconut cream pie, 'cause that would be weird. I think we should go out for pie. And you don't have ta get coconut cream pie if ya don't want to.

You've always seemed more of a chocolate cream pie kind of girl. Or maybe you like apple a la mode. We've never really talked about you're pie preferences.

Hey, Alice, speaking of something totally different do you remember that time at Murderworld, ya know the time it was infested with zombies and you went after that one guy with a chainsaw?" blathered the figure in red.

Alice was very aware of the Hatter's sideways glance. He mouthed 'Murderworld' at her and smiled in a way that meant she wasn't going to get out of this one. Even if he had to tickle it out of her.

She was going to kill Harry Osborne for telling him, she was ticklish. Retired from supervillainy her ass!

"…and the blood was getting _everywhere_ and then Nightcrawler bamphed us to the marry-go-round of death and we rode the horsies into the sunset? Good times. Good times.

I realized that I was spending so much time with Cable that I was neglecting my 'ittle buddy and so I stole a hover- bike crashed into Brooklyn and here I am!"

Alice, her face pale answered, "How utterly unexpected it is to see you." She smiled weakly.

"I know!" the mask looked over to the sprawled skrull then to the baffled and amused man in the hat. "Is this one bothering you too. 'Cause if he is I can totally take care of it for you."

Alice held up a hand hastily, "No. No, that's okay. He's _mine_. And I'd rather you'd didn't damage him. I want to keep him."

The mask seemed to smile, "Huh. Alice has a love monkey! How'd did you meet? Was it love at first sight? Did your eyes meet across a crowded room?"

"When I first met him I thought he was 'Mad, bad and dangerous to know,'" Alice quoted Byron with a small smirk.

"Oi!" the Hatter protested.

"Did I say that it was a turn off?" Alice laughed at him.

The Hatter perked up a bit. Hmmm.

Why? Why did it have to be Deadpool? She could see it now, he and the Hatter would get on like a house on fire. Screaming and running in the streets with the shrill scream of the firefighter trucks.

Still, she knew the dangerous psychotic wouldn't hurt her. In fact, Alice knew that without a doubt, the murderous loon cared deeply for her.

She's never been sure why.

"Wade Wilson a. k .a 'Deadpool' a. k. a 'The Merc with a Mouth' totally psychotic assassin for hire meet my boyfriend Hatter," Alice waved her hands like a game show host.

"Hatter is a terrible codename," said the merc. "Is he called that just because he wears a hat. Okay, so it's a pretty spiffy bowler… still where's the imagination?" asked Deadpool.

Alice laughed, "He's not called the Hatter because he wears a hat. He's called that because he's mad."

The Hatter pouted. He liked his nickname, thank you.

"Wait," Deadpool wiggled his finger for silence. He pointed at the Hatter then to Alice. He repeated this action five times, "Alice and the Mad Hatter?"

Alice nodded.

Wade Wilson began to laugh. "Aha ha ha wa haa ha giggle snort, hee he ha ha ha. I'm done."

Deadpool walked into the Hatter's personal space and peered down the smaller man's nostrils intently, "Hurt my friend and you'll know horrors beyond the ken of mortal man. Do ya dig? Do. You. Dig. It? I will make the Stygian pit seem like a day at the races. I will give you a million paper cuts and pour lemon juice on them! I will dance the dance of the drunken elephant on your head. I'll find your old embarrassing high school yearbook pictures and post them on the internet!"

Alice rolled her eyes as the two lunatics stared each other down. Boys. Yeash.

"Sounds fair," the Hatter decided. "Alice is my very own kettle of joy tea and tea cozy of delight. I would sooner do a strip tease in front of the Queen of Hearts before hurting her. I'd rather never wear another hat! To make her happy I'd steal the sky. I'd fight armies for her single fistedly. For a single smile I'd walk a thousand miles. I will spend the rest of her days as her devoted love muffin."

He meant every word.

"Okay," Deadpool replied taking a step back.

Jash stood and limped over to the three and reached out to grab Alice's arm. And was introduced to the sledgehammer, the Hatter fist knocked him into the wall.

"Owww."

"So far I like him," Deadpool proclaimed.

Alice silently thanked each and every one of her lucky stars. Things could have gotten messy.

"So, who wants pie?" the merc asked hopefully.

* * *

In the idyllic town of Coeur d'Coeur there is a pie shop shaped like a pie. Its name was the Pie Hole and it was arguably the best place to get pie in the world. And into that shop walked three people. One was completely off his rocker, the second was a little mad, and the third was very sane.

They stopped and breathed. It smelt like heaven's bakery.

"Ohhh. Instead of little boxes of dialogue we have a narrator," gushed the first. His name was Wade Wilson. But, people called him Deadpool. He was an assassin for hire who was once the subject of an experiment to cure cancer. It was only partly successful. It added insanity and a sometimes mania to his already annoying personality.

He wore a mask.

The second was young handsome man with a glint in his eye and a hat on his head. He was the Hatter and he was from Wonderland. It would take far too long to describe him in detail. Let's just say he is what is known as a 'loveable rogue.' "What's 'e on about now?" the Hatter asked the third, A lovely young lady.

"Wade thinks that we're in a comic book. Complete with dialogue boxes," the lovely young lady replied. Her name was Alice. No. Not the same from the book. But, nonetheless, just as splendid. She was a delightful mix of sanity with a light froth of quirky.

Sadly, her dress wasn't wet.

"A comic book? Really," the Hatter looked at her seriously. "It would explain so much about you."

Alice frowned, "I'm not a comic book character."

The Hatter shrugged, "Are you sure about that? I'm from a book. Someone could be reading your life right now."

She bit her lip. He did have a point. And her life was exactly that weird.

"The voice like that of a movie narrator is describing us and everything we do," Deadpool whispered in delight. "I _like_ it here!"

The Hatter liked the pie shop too. Though, not for the same reason as the insane mercenary. It rather reminded him of home.

A very short, very pretty blond woman with a smile a mile long trotted up to them, "Hi! I'm Olive, welcome to the Pie Hole as in shut your…"

Alice smiled at the small exuberant woman, "Hello, what's good?"

Impossibly, Olive's smile grew wider, "Honey, everything's good."

There weren't many customers this time of night. There was private detective Emerson Cod who scowled at the newcomers.

And in the corner…

Alice blinked. In the corner sat three people. One was a redhead who wore a terrified expression like she was stuck between Scylla and Charybdis. On the girl's left was a striking young man with longish hair wearing tweed and a bowtie who was staring intently at the pretty blond women in a red hoodie who looked like she was about to bolt.

That wasn't all Alice saw.

The redhead was all raw shimmering potential. But, the other two…

The man flickered. There was eleven of him, _fire_, dandy, leather, _ice_, sneakers, _rage_, scarf (that was familiar), _like the night_, umbrella, tall, _storm in the heart of the sun_, short, dark, _ancient and forever_, fair, wise, _burns at the center of time_, foolish, brilliant, mad, destroyer, _wonderful_, savior, healer…

A touch of magic, Alice thought as it came. She steadied her breath. A storm sat in a diner in a bowtie.

Okay.

She made the mistake of looking at the blond girl. She was glowing like the sun. _You have something of the wolf about you! _

They were linked. Eternally bound. _'Not a bad life, eh.'_ _'Better with two.'_

Alice decided to just go with it when the dead girl went to wait on them. It was just one of those very strange days.

Olive led them over to a table, "Here ya go." She handed them the menus.

"A coconut cream pie. The whole thing and a fork, short and pretty," Wade managed to leer with his mask on. "Can I kidnap you?"

Olive's huge grin faltered. She was being hit on by a man in a mask. At least that was what she hoped he was doing.

Alice slapped the merc on the arm, "No kidnapping."

The mask gave the impression that it was pouting.

She looked up from the menu, "I'll have a slice of the chocolate ganache, chocolate cream with strawberries in the champagne and white cheddar crust. And coffee."

The Hatter grinned, "I'll have a piece of the carmel apple, one of what my lady fair is having, and a slice of the peanut butter pie. And tea."

Olive nodded skipped off.

"Didja know that there's a DC comic's villain called the Mad Hatter?" Wade asked the Hatter.

This elected a glare, "Yes, a disgrace to the name of Hatter, a slander on my entire line of haberdashery enthusiasts. I will not stand for such an affront on my heritage…"

And they were off. They, much to Alice's terror, were getting along. Worse, the Hatter had managed to get many stories about her varied past out of Deadpool. Not that it was hard to get Wade to talk. At length. About anything.

She focused on the others in the shop.

----

The pretty brunette dead girl whose name was improbably Chuck slid across from the cross looking black man.

"You're knitting in public, Pooh Bear," Chuck graced him with a pretty smile.

Emerson Cod scowled at her, "Firstly, don't ever call me that. Secondly, I am secure in my masculinity. I enjoy knitting. It relaxes me. Particularly, when I converse with the walking undead."

Chuck shook her head fondly, "I admire your honesty. So, what's the case?"

Cod purled two, "What makes you think there's a case?"

"You get the cutest little furrows in your brow when you're thinking about a case," Chuck told him with a grin.

He glowered at her.

The Pie-Maker, a man named Ned who could raise the dead…

Deadpool giggled at the Narrator's rhyme.

For a limited time, a gift from no one in particular sat down by Emerson Cod and across from Charlotte Charles, a girl known as Chuck.

Chuck was his childhood sweetheart, with whom he was only reunited with after her death. The Pie-Maker could not touch her again, least she die, permanently. While this led to some difficulties it didn't do much to curtail their romance.

"We have a case?" asked Ned. "I know we do because your brow is all furrowed."

Emerson Cod sighed heavily.

----

The facts were these. Amy Pond was immensely uncomfortable. Being caught between an alien and a wolf in a pie shop was worrisome.

The alien was a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous, the time keeper. The Time Lords had dominion of time and were the oldest sapient race in the universe. He was currently, to the best of his knowledge, the last of his kind.

His name was the Doctor. He was in his eleventh regeneration. For a Time Lord, regeneration means they can die and come back as a different person. It was said that they could do this thirteen times.

Although, with the Matrix going kaput with the rest of the planet, he might be immortal with unlimited regenerations before him.

He finds the thought unsettling.

Amy, his newest companion had met him and was pulled into his mad life of running around the universe saving it.

The Doctor had a people saving thing.

Amy, like many others, had harbored a huge crush on the man…male being. She'd even kissed him once early in their friendship. It had been immensely uncomfortable afterwards.

Two things had convinced her that falling for him would be a bad idea with a capital 'Bah.' The first was this; he was the most exhausting man in creation. She could live with the storm for a little bit; but, not forever. She didn't want to just be a part of his story. She wanted a book of her own.

Secondly, he was already in love.

Martha and Mickey had warned her. Sarah Jane had warned her.

Her name was Rose and he didn't talk about her.

According to Martha, he had talked about her all the time. It worried the warrior healer that he wouldn't any more.

The Doctor had explained that while her memories would always be dear to him, his feelings had faded. He was a new man.

Captain Jack Harkness had listened to that solemnly before bursting into uncontrollable laughter at that 'drivel.' Then he pointed out that going around saying that he wasn't thinking about Rose wasn't in fact _not_ thinking about Rose.

And then the words, 'Bad Wolf' had popped up all over creation and he was chasing after them desperately as if his lives depended on it.

When they found her he's snogged Rose until she could see stars. Rose had ran away like a bunny.

Amy had to admit that she hadn't expected to like the 'love of the Doctor's lives' but, she really did.

Especially, after Rose had saved her from the Nightmare Child who's somehow broken through from the time lock on the Time War. She had died.

And Amy had watched the Doctor come apart. Most terrifying thing she'd ever seen and she knew from scary.

Then Rose got better…

Seriously, the Doctor had sent her away with his clone? That was as lame as Superman giving Lois Lane an amnesia kiss.

And now they were in a pie shop not talking.

Amy abruptly shoved the Doctor, "I have to go to the loo."

Rose perked up, "I'll come with you!"

The Doctor shook his head, "No. I want you where I can see you. You'll just try to swan off. Again." He sat back down into his seat after letting Amy out, slid down and blocked his companions escape by trapping her with his long legs. He crossed his arms and smiled sweetly, "Hello, Rose."

Rose looked panicked.

Amy headed for the bathroom in a sprint, fingering the cell phone in her pocket. Maybe Jack could help sort them out. Maybe they could drag them to a couple's counselor.

----

Olive was back with there orders, "Here ya go sugar," she chirped at Alice.

Alice smiled, "Thank you."

The boys thankfully had stopped talking. To her terror Deadpool was taking off his mask.

"No!" she covered her eyes with her hands and whimpered. To her surprise there were no screams or the sounds of breaking cutlery. So, she slowly lowered her hands from her eyes.

The Hatter raised an inquisitive brow and the other people in the pie shop were staring at her after her outburst.

"Little bit rude," the Hatter pointed out.

She didn't answer as she was looking at a man she did not recognize. "What happened to you? The last time I saw you without your mask you looked liked moldering hamburger!"

The merc struck a dramatic pose, "I did a job for Dr. Strange. Totally helped him to SAVE THE MUTIVERSE!!!"

The Doctor and Rose turned from their awkward staring to gaze intently at Deadpool, there were some things that would grab their attention right off. That last phrase was one of them.

"I was so very awesome. I killed this twelve dimensional dude with nothing but some applied phlebotinum and a deus ex machina. He blew up good! And then Doc Strange fixed me.

I'm no longer healing and decomposing at disturbing rates," the newly attractive assassin beamed charmingly at the room. "My love life's already improving! Girls don't run screaming from me nearly as much as they used to."

"That's great Wade," Alice patted his arm. "You do realize that just because you're all pretty, Squirrel Girl still won't date you, right?"

Deadpool sighed wistfully and prodded at his coconut cream pie, "I know. She's an awesome primal force." He pouted, "The time I asked for her number she sent some of her squirrels to run up my pants! It was so sweet of her to take such notice of me."

The Hatter enthusiastically tore his peanut butter pie. Oh! This was good.

----

"I think we have a serial killer on our hands," Emerson Cod gave the low down to his friends. Not that he'd ever call them his friends to his face. In truth there was no one he was closer too. He'd just rather stab himself in the heart with his own knitting needles then to admit it.

"In Coeur d'Coeur? How exciting. Not that that's the right word. Terrible and unexpected might be better words," Chuck said.

Ned rubbed his chin and wished he could hold the hand of the girl named Chuck. He was sure their hands would fit together perfectly. "What makes you think it's a serial killer?"

"Because all seven people were killed the same way on a Wednesday," Emerson Cod explained.

"Why on a Wednesday?" Ned wondered.

Emerson Cod snorted, "How'd I know something like that? I don't have any deep insight into the minds of serial killers. And I won't have any insight until you put that magic touch of yours to use on a Popsicle. Ya dig?"

"I can dig it," replied the Pie Maker.

-----

"How long have you been alone?" The Doctor asked Rose. Seeing Rose die and resurrect before his eyes had nearly given him a hearts attack.

Rose shrugged, "Couple of centuries. We died together, you an me. We were old and we couldn't resist going on one last adventure." Her big brown eyes looked at him and saw someone else. "I died an old woman. I woke up the same age as when we met. I stayed and outlived our children and grandchildren…"

The Doctor's hearts hitched. He'd dreamed of having children with Rose. The one adventure…

"I don't regret it. Even if it did hurt. I 'ad to leave. That universe started to notice me. That I didn't belong…I had to leave before it destroyed itself in a trans-temporal irritant paradox." Rose's eyes grew glassy with unshed tears.

He reached out for her hand and his jaw tightened when she pulled it away.

"I should go…" she ducked under his legs.

The Doctor followed her, "You're what? Just going to swan off?"

She stilled, "This is me swanning off."

"Rose Tyler, I lost you once and then gave you up once. I won't let it happen a third time," the Doctor told her flatly.

She continued to the door and was about to push it open.

"Did I mention it travels in time?"

Rose slowly turned her heart in her eyes to face him.

The Doctor held out his right hand and waved, "Hello."

"Hello," Rose breathed. She didn't protest when he captured her hand and led her back to their booth.

Amy was amused, when she came back to discover the Doctor and Rose huddled together on the same side of the booth with Rose trapped between the wall and the Doctor.

"Is she coming then?" Amy asked airily.

"Yes," the Doctor said over Rose's protestations.

"Good, because otherwise I was under orders from Jack to kidnap her," Amy said.

Rose couldn't help the sudden laughter that bubbled out of her.

It might just be okay.

----

Alice smiled. Something good just happened.

"Alice," The Hatter nudged her.

"Yeah."

"Do you really have a line of suitors stretching a thousand long?" he asked anxiously. "Because, if you do I want a list. So's I can know what I'm up against."

She looked from the Hatter's serious face to Deadpool's gleeful one. "When I'm done with my pie I'm going to chase you around the parking lot with my taser." She smiled at the merc, "Just saying."

He shrugged, "Fair enough."

Her life was strange, Alice thought as she nibbled her pie. But, it was hers.

* * *

Notes

Professor Xavier tries to interface with Gah Lak Tus and gets mind-pwned. So on their next encounter, he links himself with pretty much the entire human race and then goes back.

"Hello Gah Lak Tus. Remember me? I've brought six billion of my friends."

Cue Gah Lak Tus spazzing out.

Here I am using the actual Galactus. A giant planet eating god-thing who wears a ridiculous hat is easier to deal with Gah Lak Tus, which is a group mind of city sized robotic drones that attack worlds via envoys like the Silver Surfer, followed by a flesh eating virus. I just really wanted to use that line. Also, easier to write about especially for a teaser.

In this verse Scott Summers has a cousin named…Buffy. And in one move I make the Summers family tree that much more confusing. Yay me!

Nigel Thornberry is a nature documentary maker from the Wild Thornberry's. He was voiced by Tim Curry.

The Shadow's mentor, the Tulku had a living knife called the Phurba. In Buddhism, the Phurba pretty much kicks evil ass. This one has a nasty bite.

Yes, I invoked the squirrels again.

B: TVS~ Fear Itself.

Better with two: The Doctor and Rose

A karateka is a practitioner of karate.

Obi (belt)

In the comics the Skrull Invasion was primarily in San Francisco, I moved it to New York.

Jash is a Skrull lieutenant from the comics.

Cable is a member of the Summers Clan. Way to complicated to get into. And he is very happy for Deadpool to go bug Alice instead of him.

Pushing Daisies

Yes, Rose and Eleven. I eternally ship D/R.

I er, dreamt this bit after I watched the awesome of 'The End of Time' I think I cried a bit.

SIMP! Again!


End file.
